12 stupid things I'm smarter at because I am older

The other day I was reading a great article shared by a virtual friend and another Kazak mom.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-james-martin-sj/12-really-stupid-things-to-never-do-again_b_1174709.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

If you don't have time to read the whole thing, the point of the article was that as we grow older we realize certain things about the world and who we are that usually comes with time and perspective. Here is how I internalized this article to our lives and how life is smartening me up, weather I like it or not.

1. Compare: When you adopt two special needs children one can forget about reading the "what to expect" books or looking at growth charts, or even looking for commonalities on the play ground. My kids are who they are, and if I want a comparison, I need to look at each of us, and our personal growth. I am glad, looking back that I can't find many families like ours to even compare to, it is just a game I don't care to play. I will however confess that I do not have the same restraint when it comes to my garden. I will fawn with jealousy over seedlings that are bigger or gardens that magically dispel evil aphids. But, fortunately for my kids, I don't care if they aren't where everyone elses kids are, or that we don't have as much or do as many activities as the Joneses. Quite frankly I have learned by now, where their is a will their is a way, and if I really wanted what they have I could go and get it. I don't want that despite what the media tries to tell me.

2. "Should" on yourself: This was big for me in my 20's. I think it was because there were so many possible roads I could take. So, I just took a lot during that decade and had a blast. I learned a ton, and got to do many amazing things. Fortunately for me I got to try out things like being a paleontologist, a park ranger for Yellowstone, direct outdoor science field schools, and travel. Fortunately it gave me the perspective that the grass is greener where you water it, and that every place, job ect. has its joys and issues.

3. Get people to like you: There is a great Utah Philips quote where he is talking about recently being diagnosed with a heart condition so he said "I am going on a low social diet. No more fat heads. My heart can't handle them." This too took me a while. Now that I am the busy mom of two, I could really care less if people want to spend time with me. Heck, I don't have much of it to spare, so you have got to have me as I am, I just don't have the energy to put on a show. Fortunately for me, there are a few people out there that get me and still like me. That is all I really need.

4. Interrupt: My husband, I am sure, would love to write this section. He says that I still need some ageing in this aspect, and well, he is correct. I have to be very conscious about this. I am kind of a cut to the chase conversationalist. This is usually due to the fact that I have two little boys interjecting every 30 seconds, and I need the quick and dirty version of the story.

5. Worry about how you look: This is why I moved out West. Now that I am back in Alabama this beast comes out of the closet more often (literally and metaphorically.) We recently went to San Fransisco and flew through Salt Lake City on the way. While there I noticed how normal people looked in San Fran, and Salt Lake. They were real, mostly unaltered and wearing functional clothing. I loved it, I felt normal too. Not so much in my daily like in the South. Oh well, I do my best to not be offensively real, but I'm not in the beauty queen league, and quite frankly my friends, family and students don't seem to think much less of me.

6. Work Constantly: I can remember my last job I sold my soul to. It sucked. I gave my heart and soul and all I got was really tired and less effective. The best advice I got during my student teaching was from a veteran teacher of 30 years. He told me after the first day of working with him in his classroom to watch how he left the building. I watched as he grabbed his lunch pail (yes you heard me right) and his keys and left. He said "If you want to love teaching your entire career, leave work at work, and home at home." To this day I do that. Mind you I get to work at 6 am to get everything done in the mornings so that my afternoons are clear to be with my boys, but I do not ever bring papers home. Never again though will I be married to my work, it is just not as cute as my three boys.

7. Fail to give people a break: John is much better at this than me. Most people find this interesting as John can be known as an opinionated hot head. But, he also has worked his fair share of "means to an end" jobs. He has been that guy behind the counter, so he gets it. He also went on a Mormon mission, so he can talk to a rock and make it feel loved and accepted. I have not had such training but I have been the recipient of such kindness. The other day I took Isaac to his post op appointment at Children's Hospital. "Give people a Break" must be their customer service rallying cry. The whole entire staff gets it that people are not a Children's Hospital for fun, they are there because their child needs the specialized services that they provide. Everyone from the guy pushing the mop, to the surgeon, to the audiologist, the the lady passing out wagons for the kids to ride in gets that if you are there, what you most desperately need is a break. You need a smile, a sense of humor, to be walked to the elevator or the clinic not just pointed half heartily. A person being human makes all the difference in the world.

8. Complain about minor illnesses: For those of you who know me well, you might know that I suffer from chronic pain. What I have learned, is that most people don't get it, so don't bother saying much because they don't know what to do, and when they try to do something it is just plain weird. Now are their times when people have needed to know, sure, but besides that I have just learned to do things differently and to smile and nod when others complain about the small stuff. Realistically pain and suffering are a relative experience. I find that when someone is complaining it is more because they need to know someone cares.

9. Be a Jerk: I am getting better about this with acquaintances, but not so much with my nearest and dearest, John can't wait for me to be even older, because he is convinced that by then I will be too tired to "be a jerk." I am not sure about this because he is older than me and he still does not have this in check. Now I do see my father at 84 seems to have this down, so there is hope.

10. Do the Right thing: This has been one of the greatest gifts of age and experience. When you have seen true suffering, poverty, the consequences of discrimination, starvation, poor drinking water systems and know first hand the conditions of orphans around the world. Once you know this first hand, it is impossible to stay silent. I cannot put my boys to bed each night with out remembering that there are millions of children around the world not getting a good night kiss, a bed, or a promise of food and love the next day. It could so easily be them. It is wrong! I am one person but I will continue to be the humming bird working on the forest fire one drop at a time.

11. Make Fun of People: This I am much better at now that I am older. I don't really care if people like me and talk about me, but I am not up for listening to people bashing and I call people on it. Most people know that about me and therefor don't talk to me at all, or watch themselves around me. Oh well, better to be invisible than to be a dumping ground for bad energy.

12. Be hard on yourself: My good friend Martha and I had a great talk the other day about having a vision and a goal. If you don't have it, you won't get it. This world has some tough stuff, and just like the Onceler said in the Lorax "Now that you are here the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it is not going to get better it's not."

So with all that said, I wish 2011 a good by. It has been a year of growth in so many ways. I am excited to apply so many of the new things we have learned as a family to the world. We have never been the people that look for the easy road. There are too many people on that road, and quite frankly I am not a fan of crowds. We have been given talents, patience, two amazing boys to parent, friends, good soil, curiosity, enough money, family and the sense of adventure.

I am sure life will throw some interesting things our way in 2012, and well, I just hope we can rise to the challenge and do the right thing. What ever that is...

A note to readers

Dear readers,
I love that you are there, reading, following and enjoying (hopefully) the bits of pieces of our life. I would however like to clarify who I am and why this blog is here. I am a mom, a teacher, a business owner, a gardener, a wife, a cook, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a house cleaner, a scientist and a human being. Oh, and I blog because we have friends and family all over the place that like to know how things are going.

With that said, I am a divided person, doing the best I can and often that means I have to prioritise. Ever since I was little I have been what some have called a "Bad Speller." My father, half-brother and I have struggled immensely with spelling to the point of being told to just now write anything we couldn't spell, or why don't we just go do math instead and leave the writing up to those who can do it "pretty." Fortunately for me, my father had been down this road, and while he has a masters from Harvard and is a scholar and a retired very successful businessman, he cannot compose a written thought to save his life. He was told not to compose because of semantics. That his voice in the written form was not worth reading because of error.

Dad fortunately saw the flaw in this thinking and taught me "Don't let the best be the downfall of the good."

This blog is a journal, a good journal, not "the best" or a contender for "Top Mommy Blogs." Yet, when I add up the seconds I have in the day, the amount of effort it would take for me to get each post to a perfect published piece given my learning differences, would be composition prohibitive.

I get it, I am a teacher who reads through thousands of pages of misspelled text my students have writen to try and filter for their grasp of a concept. It is harder to read. And, I spell check dear readers, but alas it is not perfect, when done with a child on your lap and the other running around under the desk.

So there you have it. I really am not stupid. I have many talents, gifts and things to share. I am just a lousy speller who sees words different from others.

Much Deserved Pictures of the Boys

Winter Seed Order

One of my favorite winter gardening projects is to poor over seed catolougs and dream of next year's garden. I have done many maps of my garden space, read lots of books, and talked endlessly with my gardening budy Martha. But, I have many week moments when it comes to seed catolougs. Seeds and plant are about the only things I buy for myself, and even then, it is nor really just for me. Fortunately John just made me another 3 x 12 foot garden bed, and I have loads of good covers for my beds so that I can garden and harvest all winter.

Here is what I ordered:
Kentucky Wonder Pole Beans
Golden Beets
Imperator Carrots
Bright Lights Chard
Kaleidoscope Pepper Mix
Purple Cyenne Peppers
Cahsflow Squash
Yellow Crookneck
Carnival Squash
Wild Cherry Tomoato
Brandwine Tomaoto
Martinos Roma Tomato
Moneymaker Tomato
Purple top turnips
Pak Choi
Blackberry Shoots
Onion sets
Potato eyes

Oh I can hardly wait!!! Gardening teaches me much needed patience.

All of this is from Pinetree Garden Seeds. I like them because they send in small quanitities for the home gardener making variety an option. They also have loads of organic and herlioom options.
Next I will be ordering from Vermont Bean company because I need to grow more protiens.

Santa's Letter to the Boys

This Christmas has been my favorite by far. It has been so much fun to teach the boys about the gifts they have to share, and to dream of the gifts we have to give to the world, because of each of our experiences with life thus far and our talents that we have received.

I will say that I used to be pretty lame and jaded about the holidays. I don't like to shop and I really don't like to just give out of obligation our duty. We don't have much and therefor when we do give something we want it to be meaningful, useful and appreciated.

I can remember one year John and I half heatedly hanging DNA models on our jade tree to appear festive. This year, however, we found great joy and memories as we decorated the tree. John took the boys on a field trip to the Christmas Tree Farm. They picked out a small cypress tree. When we got it up and ready to decorate, we all talked about each and very ordainment and where it came from. It was so fun to hang bits and pieces of memories of friends, my Granny, ordiments from Yankee Swap parties at Beth's house years ago, and homemade ordimants made by the boys. This year it clicked for me. Our tree has provided a light physically but also allowed us to light up the memories and people who have shaped our family.

We have also spent a great deal of time making gifts this year, and down playing the whole commercialism of the season. What I saw with my boys as they are starting to get the idea of Christmas is that when they did receive their gifts they were thrilled and showed genuine gratitude.

On Christmas night, the boys decided to camp out together in Emerson's room. I left the sutters wide open and explained that they could not get out of bed until the sun was up. When they woke up, I sent them in to check on the living room and see if Santa came. They came running back into our room exclaiming that he did and that he had eaten the cookies and left a letter.

They crawled in bed and we read the letter together:

Dear Emerson and Isaac, (and their parents)

Thank you for letting me know that I needed to come through the front door rather than the chimney last night. Hopefully your dad will have the fire place done for next Chrismas because that is my favorite way to come and deliver presents.

I saw your pictures and I cannot believe how much the two of you have grown this year. Isaac, your mark on the wall shows that you have grown more than 4 in. I'm growing a lot too this season, thanks to wonderful cookies like the ones you made for me.

Part of my job is to make sure that all the boys and girls are doing their part to make the world a better place. I have been watching you and I am very happy with the little men you are becoming.

Isaac I am so proud of how kind you were to take your neighbor dinner the other night when you knew he was hungry. I also love hearing all of the new sounds you can make now after your surgery.

Emerson, you have done a very good job this year of helping the people around you know how much they are loved and appreciated. I was so proud of you for sending Sophie Kate a get well video card when she had her surgery. Keep remembering to give hugs and kisses to those who need to know that someone cares about them.

John, once again you have been a busy Dad. I am glad to see that you are doing much better since your accident last winter. You are working hard at living a life you believe in. It is not always an easy thing to do, but I am proud of you for doing it anyway.

Karon, what a beautiful bunch of boys you have. It must be all that healthy food you are feeding them. Your gardens look beautiful. I love seeing how you keep finding your way around the problems that life throws at you. As we both know, life is not about the problems, but what you do next.

Tonight I leave you gifts that will help you grow in knowledge, closer as a family, and things that will help you grow more healthy food for your family and friends. Please take the time to cherish these gifts as they have been hand picked for each of you. Most importantly, I ask you to take the time today to appreciate the people and world around you. For beings are so much more valuable than things.

Peace on Earth,
Old St. Nick

P.S. Rudolf Says keep on lighting up the world.

A poem for Christmas: to my "family"

I must preface this poem with the fact that it is a sistina, my favorite type of poem. I like it because I can take key words, that have deep meaning for me, or the receiver of the poem, and re-purpose the word depending on where it falls in the scheme. The key words for my families Christmas poem came from our family values statement we came up with the other day.

Enjoy:

Dear my most precious gift, Family
this holiday I treasure most, our time
together on our magnificent Earth
in our cozy home with a nourished
mind filled with the knowledge
that together we have the compassion to care

for each other, and enough to care
beyond our own nuclear family.
We have each been given the knowledge
of life without. It is time
for each of us to nourish
the grand and minuscule components of our Earth

with our unique talents and passions. The Earth
is hungry and yearns for personal care
compassion and gentleness. She desires to glean nourishment
from the diversity of inhabiting families
that take the seconds that compound into meaningful time
to truly know

her, you, us, the neighbor, the stranger. Knowledge
empowers each of us to love our Earth
as much as each other, taking time
to rejoice in the gifts of beauty, caring
for the forgotten, remembering that we are an interconnected family
who needs desperately the nourishment

of love, food, hope. Nourishment
comes in many forms. With knowledge
and acknowledgement each family
member can help the Earth
know love. A place where all beings receive care
a hug, clean water, a meal, time

from a loved one who values each fraction of time
together as a way to nourish
every breath that enters our bodies, and to care,
knowing
that as the Earth
spins, the same light that leaves us, shines on our global family

because when we remember that all creatures are part of our family
we can take the time to see each part of the Earth
as a giver of life, love and most inspiringly a place where dreams are nourished.

Dressed up Mom verses the chickens in my beloved garden.

Here I am, up early getting ready to enjoy the first real day of Christmas break with my boys. I got up and made a wonderful breakfast for the family. I finished reading Emerson "Capin Underpants vs the Bionic Booger Boy" I have finally herded John out the door for a very important meeting, I have done a load of laundry after Emerson proclaimed that his blanket smelled like his brother's bottom. I wrapped a present for the pary that we are getting ready to go to for EACH of the boys. I even managed to squeeze in a much needed shower, for me.

Then in an effort to try to fit in for the sake of my children, I dressed nice and put on make up to go to a toddler's birthday party, because well every day in the South is like a trip to a beauty pageant helping my self confidence in my own beauty to dwindle. So, here I am, ready, early. Both the boys even told me how nic I looked.

John calls to tell me for the second day in a row he is lost. Wonderful. So then I attempt to give a very cranky husband directions to a mystery location. As if this moment is not enough to push me over the edge, I look out the window at my beloved garden and what do I see? Five _________ chickens chowing on my garden.

Now, we need to back up for a moment. I careful have covered and protected each of my raised beds to protect them from the vicious pigs with feathers that daily attempt to eat all of our food without providing a single egg. I have found help for slaughtering our chickens. But no, would John make the time to slaughter the egg less beast. Then, the topper, he thinks he can make the fencing better around the garden. He undoes what I did and redoes it to look pretty. Well buddy, pretty doesn't cut it in the world of chickens.

Now back to this morning... So my chickens are in my garden. It is war and I inted to win. Next thing I know I am plowing through the holly bushes and rose bushes with a very large pole herding 5 chickens to a tiny opening to get them out of my garden. Comical might be a word used to describe the scene from anyone other than me. Finally with the help of Isaac and a child size golf club we managed to get all 5 of them out of the garden. Now I have rose thorns in my pants, I have ripped my shirt and I am bleeding from multiple places and I have chicken poo on my nice shoes.

So long for the peaceful tranquility of the gardener. Oh and now I must run to the party.

Teacher Gifts

I live in a state, Alabama, that seems to find each and every way to be number 50 in the nation on most things, or number 1 on the bad things. We live in a state that professes their relegion openly, while curroption is rampant behind close doors. We have huge battles over the ethics of gambling, yet those same polititions gamble (and lose) with tax payer money frequently.

In a grand effort to put a stop to this, our ligistator passed an ethics law that applies to all public employes (but not to themselves as elected officials.) Once piece of the law states that state employes (teachers included) could not recive Christmas gifts of "value." You know, because as public servants we have the ability to be bought by a Starbucks gift card. Anyway here is a response from a teacher who stated the rediculosness of the law in much better words than I could:

By PAULETTE DAVIS
Special to the Press-Register
Alabama’s new ethics law will not have much of an impact on teachers, other than the classroom discussion that will be a natural outgrowth of the misguided application of this law.
In all my years of teaching, I have received many gifts from students — most of them acceptable under the new ethics guidelines. On a few occasions, I have been given gifts and gift certificates that will now be illegal.
But the most valuable gifts I have received are far beyond the reach of any legislative act.
The ethics of most teachers are guided by giving, not receiving. Just this year alone, I was privileged to buy uniforms for four or so students. I supplied several students with school supplies: pencils, pens, notebooks, dividers and paper.
Then there are the backpacks and shoes some of my students needed, not to mention the groceries and even a bit of cash for one struggling family.
Just this year I have had students and their families who needed legal help, medical care and mental health services; so I did my best to direct them to agencies that could help them.
On top of all this and at my own expense, I keep my classroom supplied with tissues, paper towels and hand sanitizer.
I could go on at length and let you know about the ethics of Alabama teachers who have taken in homeless students, bought college textbooks for former students and helped graduating seniors get dress clothes and caps and gowns.
For almost every student who receives a scholarship, there is a teacher who has taken the time to write recommendations.
I could write a book on all of the things teachers do because we care about our students, not because we are bribed or paid for it, not because we get gifts, and certainly not because we are wealthy. We do it because we care.
So, Alabama Ethics Commission, there is no way you can legislate against the gifts I receive from my students. I get to see their eyes light up when they finally understand new ideas and concepts.
I am privileged to see a child get excited over a backpack, dance delightedly because of new shoes, scream over college scholarships, or cry when he or she gets help with college expenses.
Most valuable of all, I am given gratitude. I have received elaborate cards, scribbled crumpled notes, telephone calls and visits that let me know that whatever little I have done has at least made some difference in the life of a child.
Oh, I love the cups and cookies and cakes and notepads. But the gift that is so valuable and cannot be taken away by a legislative act is: I get to teach.
Now, Alabama Ethics Commission — if you can find any of your former teachers who are not ashamed to say that they taught you — buy your former teachers a big, expensive, wonderful gift and then write 100 times: “A $10 gift card is not going to corrupt education.”
And, by the way, get out your old civics textbook. You need to remember that corruption is not usually the problem of those on whom the law is imposed. It is usually the problem of those who write the laws.
Teachers are not the wellspring of corruption, and a Christmas turkey is not going to change us. We are teachers; we care; we make a difference. You legislators just craft laws, disguise PAC contributions and daily show your total disregard for those of us who make a difference in the lives of all Alabama children.
We teach — and will continue to do so — because we care, not because we get gifts.
Paulette Davis, who has taught for 34 years, teaches Honors English at Mary G. Montgomery High School in Semmes. Her email address is pdavis5339@gmail.com.

Why we are who we are?

I am on a bit of a cliche analyzing kick right now. It is not because I have enough time to ponder such things. It is probably the opposite. I remember when it would become crunch time for finals and I would get really stressed and overwhelmed, I knew the studying would end when I made this one particular decision. I would go through and calculate my current grade, then figure out what I needed to make on the final to keep it at an A or if I was making less than an A what would I need to make to get it there. Usually I found out that I would have to bomb the test or make well of 100% to really sway the results.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, right now is grade time, the end of the 9 weeks. It is time for me to grade 126 science notebooks that are each 76 pages long. I am doomed. Therefore I find my brain leaning more towards the blog and philosophical questions.

I remember in a high school philosophy class reading the book "Why bad things happen to good people." It explored the age old adage that without the bad, the good would not really be so special. I being the young idealist argued that this was not necessary. Good was good, despite the bad.

The other morning, the boys (all three) and I were pondering the question of "What is my purpose on this planet." "How can we use our gifts to make the world a better place?" What I found beautiful was the responses Emerson and Isaac gave despite their very young age.

Emerson boldly stated that he really felt it was important to let people know that they are loved and appreciated. Considering that Emerson was 1.7 lbs when he was born and spent the first 3 months of his life in an incubator, this makes sense given his physical deprivation for the first very important months of his life. He lives his purpose fully. He openly gives hugs, thanks and compliments. He does not let a kid play alone on the play ground, and reminds me frequently that I am "His best Mommy ever."

Isaac thought about it, then stated he wanted to make sure that everyone has enough good food to eat. Again, a good thing for him, considering he came to us at 3.5 years old and nearly starving to death. What a cool thing that he has taken the lowest point of his existence to recognize that he has the power to prevent that same type of sadness for others. He is able to heal from his suffering by becoming empowered through the gift of bringing great joy to the hungry.

Now, am I saying that we should all go out and spread a little misery so things can get better? Not quite, there is already enough bad in the world. What is important is taking the time to really see how we can take those life events can humble us to becoming more humane, not just human.

Less is More

I knew a man when I was in collage who's name was Less, and he lived in an old school bus that he had converted into his home. The bumper sticker on the back said "Less is More." I was much younger then and I liked the phrase, but I can't say that I really got it.

This morning as I was laying awake this phrase came back to me; "Less is More" and I realized how much joy, beauty and excitement I have gotten because I have had less than what I wished for. In reality I have gotten much more than I wished for because of deprivation. Here are some examples that come to mind.

* I don't have enough money right now to go out and buy organic fair trade food that I really believe in. I do however have soil, enough money for seeds and a love of gardening. I get so much more than food from my garden, which in all honesty I would not be so dedicated to if it was not a need.

* Some of my best dinners have been because of substituting something I do have, with something I don't. The absence of an ingredient has allowed me to be creative and innovative.

* This year Emerson, Isaac and I have been hand making gifts from re-purposing things that we would have otherwise trashed. As a result my children are so proud of the things that we have made, I have received the best Christmas present in the world which is quality time with my kids.

* When we lived in Eastern Oregon we were VERY isolated. We lived in a town of 120 people 3 hours from a town. We weren't like most people there, but granted, most people were not like each other because there were not enough people to form a click, a safe group where everyone was the same. At that time of my life, the absence of a monoculture community allowed me to grown in compassion and depth. Some of my best friends were in their 80's, or loggers, ranchers, PhD paleontologist, miners, natriopathic doctors, endurance horse racers, pilots. A group of people that only had geography in common. A neighbor their was less than 70 miles away. And, the deprivation caused me to grow into the very person I am.

* Our county is bankrupt and as a result they no longer pick up the trash along the road. It is yucky and an eye sore. John and I now have adopted that section of the road. As a result me now know our neighbors that otherwise we would not have met.


* We don't have TV and I love its absence in our home. Without it, I do not feel a sense of deprivation. Instead I now have the time and energy to go out and do something about the ills of the world like take my neighbor dinner, or make hand made gifts, bread and dinner. My boys now sit down and draw my comic strip books or put on Kung Fu shows for me, or we sit out by the campfire and tell stories.

* Our budget allowed us this year to pick up a wood stove, but not enough to pay for a complete instillation. As a result, John is doing all of the non technical work of installing it. Yesterday, the boys and I were going to have dinner with my family, and John had to stay behind so that he could work on installing the wood stove. He was bummed about this. So while I was at dinner he went to the hardware store. He told me latter he had three to choose from. He decided not to go to Lowe's because he remembers my rant about how they don't pay in taxes in AL so I got a pay cut.... so he went to Home Depot at the last second. While he was looking for material he ended up meeting a man who is trying to start a community garden and farmers market in an impoverished community about 45 min away. The man had a dream, but no connections or hard knowledge of HOW do reach his goal. He and John talked for about an hour and together they will make the news. Not the kind on TV, but the kind that will be talked about over a campfire in our yard, or with a poor man and his 14 year old son as they plant their first seed. Yes, the stove project is delayed again, but so much warmth will be brought through the garden that it is worth it.

I must admit that yesterday was hard for me on so many levels. I feel squeezed to the last drop at work, at home, financially, legal matters ect. Yet, when I pause, turn off the radio, listen to a student, hear my children, recognize the gifts of the little moments I feel so very thankful to be without. My porpose in life is not really to have more. I am overwhelmed as it is. I see now I need to take the time to really see all of the little things that have always been there but I ignored because of the clutter and noise of life.

I get it now, Less really is More.

And how are you today?

When we were living in Kazakhstan adopting Emerson, we were fortunate enough to meet a man named Manuel from France. He was riding his bike from France to India and our paths just so happen to cross. Besides his fascinating tales of adventure and travel, Manuel taught me something very valuable during our brief conversation over a cup of tea.
He said John and I were not like most Americans he knew. We asked how so? His response was that during his experience of living in New York City, he found most people ready to get to business and get the information they needed or wanted from the person they were conversing with. He said it was so refreshing to have someone ask about him as a person first rather than about the thing they needed.
I will be honest; this is something that I was not that good at before meeting Manuel. I happened to meet him when 22 hours of my day were up to me, so asking an in-depth question was easy when I was relaxed. What is more challenging is on the busy days remembering that those we speak to might have sick grandmothers, or a child who has been bullied by someone, or a boss who has a dissertation due soon, or a wife that is injured… Yes, it takes time to inquire how someone truly is. Yet, we must.
Upon returning to school after being off a few days to take care of Isaac my sixth grade students demonstrated this value well. There were so many of them who came up to me to ask about Isaac, to make sure his surgery went well, to ask about me, just to ask, listen and be supportive. One of the beauties of struggles is to see things from the other side, a different perspective. Their questions, well wishes, genuine concern, made me feel part of something more than just a job. Part of a community of well-wishers, believers, real people… Their words reminded me the power of both my questions and my willingness to really listen and follow through.
This week I have taught some very in depth lessons including town hall meetings to create natural disaster mitigation plans, I have had students use art and writing to derive definitions of rocks, fossils and minerals. Yet, what I will remember about this week will be the students who asked, “How did Isaac’s surgery go?”

Proud Mama Moments

John and I are pretty simple people. We are not into fancy things, the latest styles, and dread buying things, anything. We recongnize how blessed we are to have gifts like clean water, enough heat, space to grow food and for our boys to run, and family and friends that love us unconditionaly. With our boys getting older we are becoming concious of needing to communicate these ideals to the boys. We have made choices that limit us finacialy but give us the gift of quality time together as a family.

When we discussed on Sunday morning our purposes on this planet, Isaac unequivicable answer was "to make sure that everyone has enough food." and Emerson said he was good at "making people feel loved by giving hugs." Fast forward to the afternoon. The boys are ridding their big wheels down the driveway and they asked John to close the gate to keep them safe. As John goes down there he sees our elderly, almost blind, neighbor is on a walk. John and the boys decide to walk with him down the street. When they got home Isaac tells me that Gray's wife is sick and he is hungry and that no one should be hungery. Emerson tells me that he is sad and that he gave Gray a big hug to let him know he was loved.

Then Isaac and I made a huge pot of turkey soup with all sorts of yummy vegies from the garden and corn bread muffins. Then Isaac walked to Gray's house to take dinner to them.

During this time of fast paced, standards based learning objectives, I found their sucssess to be so true, so ginuine. This is what I want my boys to be. Good citizens who see a problem and recognize that they as 4 and 5 year olds have a gift to share that can and does make a difference in this world.

P, P Ch, Ch

Isaac comes runnig up to me, "Mama, Mama, listen... Pu, Pu, PuuPy. Ch, Ch, Choo, Choo. I really can make new sounds."

We were told that it would take 3-6 months for him to make new sounds, that his brain would have to map out a route to the new muscle attachments to the top of his mouth. We explained this to him, but I guess he was ready to go sooner.

Now, like with any muscular work out, he needs to have lots of practice and has to work at it. These sounds do not come naturaly for him, and it is easy for him to be lazy or miss sounds. I am thrilled though with this little bit of progress and his pride in the process.

Living Simply

John and I have always in our adult life, cared about different things than most around us. We are OK with that. We accepted a long time ago that we did not fit in with the mainstream and we also decided a log time ago that we didn't really care what others thought of us for being different.

But, we have children who don't quite know how differernt we live compaired to their peers, and they are starting to figure it out. Something needed to be done. We needed a way to teach them why we live like we do and why we feel it is important.

So, I have picked up a book titled: Living Simply with Children. One of the things I love about the book is that it has us doing family meetings. We are having these after Sunday morning breakfast and it is a time to talk about any issues that have come up, the week ahead and what our values are as a family.

Today we decided on the values that we all felt were imortant to refer to when we make a decision. Here is what we are starting with:

*To show and let our friends and family know they are loved.
*Everyone should have enough healthy food to eat.
*We have a beautiful planet and we want to take care of it.
*We value knowledge, exploration and learning opportuntites.
*Words and hands are powerful tools that we will use to make the world a better place.
*We respect and care for what we have.
*We value our time as a family as we work and play together.

It will be fun to see where we go with all of this.

Squeezed like a sardine

Times are tough right now, for most. I get it. It does seem though every day our current recession (or not a recession??) is getting more personal, and I feel like I am the lemon being squeezed to the last drop and then some. Before I go on, I must say we are very fortunate in these times compared to many. I have a job with insurance and it is one I love, that I believe in and leaves me with an invigorated confidence that I am living up to my values and applying my gifts. John has created a job for him self where he is able to help people live healthier lives, grow their own food, and helps his clients become more self sufficient and ecologically sound.

And, I recently got a pay cut of 2.5%. And our insurance raised it's rates making our premiums go up, again. And our insurance now has a deductible of $300 per person. And, that does not cover the hospital fees, or surgery fees making our out of pocket medical expenses this month $580 so far. I look at the articles on the top 20 ways to save money, then I search for the next 50 ways because we are already doing all of that.

Last night, though, we had the opportunity to make lemonade, in our time of sqeeziness. It is cold now, and our wood stove is STILL not installed and we need to cut our gas bill down significantly because of the other bills. So we put a small efficient heater in our room and had a camp out with all four of us. It was sweet to be close to Isaac as he recovers, and have Emerson lean over and give his brother a kiss and a well wish. When Isaac cried out in the night, I could reassure him in a moment's notice.

Yes, we would love to be making more money, or for prices of things to quit going up. Yet last night I was thankful to see the beauty of being squeezed in the four little black eyes that closed around me and greeted me as the sun rose.

Surgery

Isaac's surgery went well and I am so impressed at what a trooper he is. Yesterday morning as he was getting ready to go to the hospital with John, he looked at me and said "Mama, this isn't going to be fun, is it?"

"No, Isaac, it won't be that fun, but what will be wonderful is that once your throat has a different shape, you will be able to make many new sounds. You have so many great things to say that Dad and I want everyone to be able to understand you."

He then gives me a big hug and says "Thank you Mama." For those of you wondering about adopting a child who is "older" or has baggage, I must say there are amazing moments of gratitude that come into play that most parents don't get.

Everything went well with the surgery and I was able to make it to the hospital by the time he started waking up. He first asked if he could play with an iphone. (I guess the Dr. let him play with his this morning.) Then he asked to watch TV. He asked me to stop on the Cake Boss show which I thought was pretty funny since he loves food more than almost anything else.

He was able to eat a couple of yogurts last night.

One of the sweeter moments was when Emerson called and was all upset because he was worried about his brother. He needed to talk to Isaac. When Isaac heard Emerson crying he said "I am OK Emerson, don't cry, I am OK, I love you."

People ask us all the time if they are twins, the next question is "are they real brothers?" or "how do they get along?" I always say yes they are brothers and they get along like brothers. It was so sweet last night to see a beautiful side to their connection.

Learning to cuddle at 4 & 7/8ths

Humans are truly amazing creatures however you belive we came into being. It is phenominal to see how things like babies having soft spots until the age they should be proficient walkers, or how a mother's shape and a babies size allow for cradeling. Kids learn to communicate with words before they are so strong that communicating with fist is dangerous.

This is all well and good when kids get to do this in the right order with a loving and responsive family to guide them gently from one phase to the next.

The other night, Isaac had a night terror. The good news is that he calmed down within a few minutes. This is huge progress from this time last year where it could take an hour to sooth him. But after he calmed down he did not want to stop rocking in the chair. I was forutnate, it was Thanksgiving break and I didn't have to go to school the next day. Isaac needed me and I could just take a nap tomorrow. So I stayed in the chair with him.

It reminded me so much of nights with Emerson when he was so small. The big difference was Isaac now weighs 47lbs and is 42in tall. Our bodies did not match. He could not really get his head on my should just right to hear my heart.

I felt that we had been robbed of something that is not that replacable. Sure, I will do my darndest to give him as much as a can to make up for lost time, but we were designed to do things in a certain order for a reason.

On a bright note, last night Isaac was helping me make homemade beads. He looked at me and out of the blue said "Mama, when I was a baby in China, I did not have anyone to play with me. I am so glad I have friends and a Mama to play with." While we are growing together as mother and son, it is not the way we were desinged, that comment assured me it was exaclty how it is supposed to be as we move forward together.

Thankfulness at 4 and 5

As I sit on the porch and watch my two boys playing blissfully in the gravel pile building all sorts of wonderful creations, I got a moment to sit in the sun and have them tell me what they are thankful for this Thanksgiving. Here is what they had to say:
*I am thankful for my Mom, Dad, Mimi, Grandaddy, Uncle Danny, Aunt Amy, Cousin Julia and Amelia, Aunt Sharron, Uncle Sean, baby Noah and Leo. Oh and Uncle Goose and Aunt Martha.

* I am thankful that I have so many people in my family to love me.

*I am thankful for getting to stay home from school and that you don't have to go to school today mommy.

*I am thankful for my teacher Mrs. Sharit
*I am thankful for my teacher Mrs. Bowlin
*I am thankful for my school friends
*I am thankful for Saturday Markets
I also like going to the Red Cat with mommy for a date and a special treat.
*I am thankful I have a Daddy, I love my daddy and wrestling with him
* I am thankful for the moon because I love seeing Luna at night
* I like Sol the sun because she keeps us warm
* I am thankful my Mimi is going to make me Mac and Cheese for Thanksgiving Dinner
*I am thankful that Mimi is making me deviled eggs.
* I am thankful our cousin Dolphin (Dalton) is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner.

I then got huge hugs from my boys and a kiss. We love you mama. and they were off and are back to building, creating, dreaming, negotiating, and imagining. I am one lucky mama and I am so thankful for the privilege of parenting these two little people.

What took you so long mama?

Isaac has always noticed pictures around the house. Maybe it is because there was not one picture of him in his old home in Texas. We now have lots of family pictures up with the four of us. I also have the youngest pictures I have of each of they boys framed. Then we have lots of random pictures that we think are cute of the boys and our family.

Isaac is not noticing that he is not a baby in any of the pictures we have of him and that Emerson is a baby in some of them.

Yesterday he pulled a picture down that had John and I with Emerson as a baby and asked "where am I?" I explained that he was still in China waiting for a family when that picture was taken.

Isaac responded with "what took you so long to find me, I was waiting and waiting for a family."

I explained as best I could how Daddy and I were looking all over the world for our son and Emerson's brother, but that we kept looking in the wrong place. I told him how sorry I was that we did not find him sooner, but how very happy I am that we finally did find him and that he gets to be part of our family.

He then smiled at me and said "I am glad you found me too. This is the best family I have ever had."

You look good with gray hair

Yes, this is what John tells me while we are sitting in the hot tub yesterday. "You look good with gray hair. You know not all women are so lucky." My first reaction was to remind him that he needs to find his brain to mouth filter or else he will be seriously hurt by me for such comments.

Then he explained that he likes the "older" me. Mind you I am only 34, and he is the old one, but for years he has exclaimed that my impatience is due to being young and inexperienced. For years, I have declared that my impatience is what drives me, what makes the world go around and well, it is why I get so much done while John is spinning his wheels.

So I am finding that he is a little right. I am finding that I can now see that good stuff takes a while, it is OK to start something and take years to finish it, making plans for the unknown future does have value. How I am learning this:

* Gardening: Things are not instant, seeds don't always germinate, insects can wipe out a whole crop, I must nurture my plants through the rough times, great stuff like fruit and asparagus must be planted and taken care of for years before I get the goods.

* The business (The Backyard Pantry): If nagging were a professional sport I would be the big winner. When we started the business, I was impatient for growth, for sales, for things to happen, and yesterday darn it! I now see the complexity of it, and the value of doing it right (old man John got this right away.) For example we make sure we get sustainably harvested wood, all of the metal we use is post consumer, need dirt? We know where to find it now. But it all takes time and yes the business is evolving into something wonderful and now when it takes off it will have much more depth than if we just did it quick and dirty.

*Home remodeling: John is fabulous at the destruction phase of remodeling. He is also wonderful at putting the house back together, eventually. I would not say I am a big fan of this process, but at least now that I have lived through it (and let John live) I know it works out and it is much more beautiful than if someone else did it..eventually.

*Adoption: I don't know about you, but I like things to work out the way I planned them and how I planned them when I expected it to happen. John and I expected to have two kids, how this came to be was way beyond my imagination. This simple lesson (OK adopting is NOT simple but the lesson is as plain as day) is a daily reminder that my wishes come true, I just need to trust that the universe gets to decide how.

I can still remember my first gray hair. I was living in Central America as a field researcher and my friend Vicky, from Singapo, spotted it. I asked her to yank it out. She gave me a horified look and said, "but your gray hairs are your bits of wisdom, I cannot take that from you!" Thank you Vicky for seeing this so early and thanks John for seeing the beauty in a bit of gray.

Physical Age does not equal emotional response

I think on of the biggest struggles we still face with Isaac is that I am looking at a 4 almost 5 year old in appearance. I can have a conversation with him about expectations and he can clearly explain to me what they are and why I have such expectations. Yet, when something triggers him, he instantly reverts to 2 year old emotional reactions.

For Example:
Yesterday at the market he fell behind as I am walking quickly to keep up with Emerson. Mind you, I am that person at the farmers market saying, "Emerson wait up, Isaac come on and where the heck did John go?." Anyway, Isaac will first start screeching at the top of his lungs, "Don't leave me, wait for me!." Then he will proceed to crawl through the crowded market on all fours. Once I am standing right next to him, he will scream and cry for me to hold him. He now weights 47 lbs, and I am also carrying all of our food through crowded market. If he was a 2 year old, I might be able to physically do this, or use a stroller or a wagon, or I might not get the crazy lady looks.

The other issue is that when he and Emerson have a disagreement, Isaac's first instinct is to hit, and boy can he hit hard. He can use his words, he does sometimes, and yes there is progress in this area. Unfortunately he will also use his words to drive his brother nuts. "You are a baby, you are Mr. Poopy Pants, I don't like you. Your not really my brother." Emerson then goes bonkers setting Isaac to reaction mode and tears are shed, boys are sent to their rooms while John and I sit there scratching our head.

The other day John and I were at the point of feeling like the most insane parents in the world. We were getting ready to go to San Fransisco, for our first trip in almost 5 years without children. Emerson, a few days before has a massive 1.5 hour melt down because he decided after school that he needed to go to Target right then to buy Misty Island Rescue DVD. When he was told no he lost it. This took a lot of my time that night to say the least.

Well the next morning at 5:15 John walks past the boy's bathroom only to find Isaac standing on the bathroom stool, peeing in the sink and all over the bathroom. I happened to be walking towards our room with the morning coffee. John, understandably was about to loose his cool. I shut the door to the bathroom handed John his coffee and we sat right there on the floor in our own form of time out while Isaac freaked out in the bathroom. After 10 minutes of us talking, drinking coffee and trying to figure out why he would do this, and what we should do about it, we finally came to a decision. We got the mop, some warm soapy water and a rag. John walked in calmly and taught Isaac how to clean the bathroom. I explained to him how pee pee all over the place could make the whole family sick.

I then left for school, feeling worried, feeling lost, wondering if there is enough love to close the gap of 3.5 years of neglect.

Fast forward to the next morning. Isaac comes running up to me to tell me that he just went pee pee in the potty. "Mama I went in the potty, because the sink is where we wash our hands and brush our teeth. Pee pee there could make us all sick."

Progress comes in funny forms for us, but I will take what I can get when I get it.

Upcomming Surgery

When we adopted Isaac we knew that surgeries would be part of our lives for a while to help repair the effects of his cleft pallet. His pallet has been repaired and he has ad numerous ear surgeries. At his last check up the Dr. did determine that he would need another surgery to help him close the airway between his nasal passage and his throat. This is a necessary function when trying to make most consonant sounds. He can currently only close the flap if he is holding his nose.

The surgery, commonly known as the flap surgery, will be on November 30th. It will basically make a bridge from the back of his pallet to the back of his through making it where there will be two openings on each side of the bridge. He should be able to muscularly close those openings to make most sounds after the surgery.

He will have to spend one night at the hospital and the said he will be needing pain management for 2-10 days after the surgery. This is all fine with me, and he is a trooper and will handle this part OK. Where I am worries is the food limitations afterwards. He will only be able to have mushy food for 30 days after the operation. Withholding food or creating situations where Isaac is hungry is dangerous business for a child who personally knows the depth of hunger. I need to make lots of rice pudding, hard boiled eggs, and fortunately I have a cubbord of homemade apple sauce.

All issues aside, I must remember to be so thankful that we live in a time wheret this can be fixed, that I am one of the fortunate few who have insurance that can help us and that most importantly Isaac has a family who will unconditionaly love him through this process. These are all gifts that saddly not all are afforded. So yes there will be pain and tears and hunger, but their will also be clarity, healing, love and creative mushy meals.

Power of Words

I am finding my self on a role with posting. Maybe it is what happens after one experience extreme sleep deprivation then gets a couple of nights of sleep. It is almost like I kick started my brain in high gear by giving it a new start.

Anyway on to why I have decided to write this post. The other day I was at a meeting in which we were discussing how individuals are lousy self evaluators. That we all think we are wonderful or that we have done things correctly. It was then implied that our role as teachers was to somehow encourage our students to become more diligent self evaluators to bring them to reality so that we could inspire them to make a change (presumably for the better).

Maybe because I was raised my the king of Devils Advocates, I found myself taking arms with this. I find myself to be a self evaluator to the point of depreciation. I see Isaac, who is so talented, so athletic so strong, so tidy, doubt him self at every move. I see Emerson who has 0 self evaluation skills, but also few other skills, climb mountains, do flips, swim and all sorts of other terrifying acts that he really cannot do, but he does it on will power and belief alone. If I took away this confidence (however false it may be) he would surely sink. I see the scars of other telling Isaac his limits each and every day, and I am not willing to to say that children's faults need to be clearly pointed out to them. I do however believe in the other part of our discussion. We were asked to create a "destination postcard" an initiative of where we wanted our students to get to. I believe, I have seen all to often that when we propose a challenge or or faced with a problem, there are millions of ways to solve it. Who am I to stifle the options, or to narrow the playing field by my standards. It would be a silly world if it was filled with everyone with perfect handwriting, great spelling and a tidy desk, but no composers of literature, artist who dare to invent something beyond the realist's imagination.

Sure kids and adults will have faults, things they stink at, we all do. My job is to find what they are doing wonderful and allow that to flourish.

Isaac's Comments

Yesterday I was a bit bummed that in my few moments of posting that I could not recall anything witty Isaac has said recently. He must have know this, because when I got home he gave me two great quotes.

The first was when I walked in the sun room upon returning home he was drop kicking his spider man kick board across the room. I promptly reacted by explaining that the toy was not meant to be kicked. "But Mama, it is a kick board, and I am kicking the board." Duped again by my 4 year old literalist.

The second laughable moment was when Isaac wanted to go outside and play yesterday. I told him that I needed his help picking persimmons off the tree and that he would get to go on the ladder. He was very excited about this prospect. He kept begging me to go outside. I explained that he needed to wait until I got the chicken in the oven to roast. He looks at me very seriously and says "Mama, just go outside, catch a chicken and throw it in the oven so that we can go play." 4 year olds do know how to simplify the process.

Today Isaac goes with John to his pre-op appointment at children's. He will have surgery on Nov 30 to help alleviate some of his speech issues. As demonstrated, the kid has great things to say, now we just need to help him be able to speak clearer so the whole world can enjoy his sense of humor.

Great Quotes

So this post is long overdue, but I have found myself hearing over and over again that I need to be documenting the things my boys are saying. I always find myself hesitant to come back to the blog, because I feel that I must start where I left off and that becomes so daunting that I don't even start. So in an effort to start again, I am not going back to where I left off, but instead I will share with you the hilarious things my boys have been saying: (Most of this is from Emerson as Isaac is not expressing himself as much these days)

While sleeping on the porch as a family a while back, (yes we sleep outside because it is great family bonding and how else will we prepare them for their future wilderness exploring lives.) Emerson wakes up and and explains that he just had a dream about bad guys getting ready take over the planet, "Isaac do want to come with me to help save the world?" Isaac looks at him with a bleary sleepy eye and says "No thanks, I will stay here and fold my blanket into a perfect square." This pretty much sums up my boys.

Emerson last night a dinner is talking about a girl in his class we will call her "A", he asks me to write him a note to give to here. I asked what he wanted me to write. "I love you." Ah, 5 year old romance. I then asked why, he said because she likes pretty pink flowers. This is the same girl that he told me last year that I needed to plant a raised bed filled with pink flowers for his Mimi and his girlfriend "A".

The other day we were at a friends place and Emerson saw a horse. He asked if he could ride it. "Sure" the man says. Emerson gets on bare back and starts ridding. He then ask what the horses name is. "Bucky" "What does that mean." So I explain. Emerson then leans down to the horses ear and says "Listen hear Bucky, where I come from my people eat your kind."

Father's Day

So I must say this has been a rather weird father's day. It started off well and ended well but the middle was weird. For John, I made him his yearly scrap book through shutter fly like I always do. The pictures are at http://doubledecker.shutterfly.com

I was crafty yesterday and had the boys make him cards with paint and all. For those who know me well, you know that I have no problem having 15 different science experiments going on in my room, but arts and crafts make me twitch. None the less I put on my big girl pants and had the boys make cards for John and my dad.

This morning we got up and John loved the cards and book. We then headed downtown to meet up with my mom and dad and my brother's family for breakfast. We got there at 8:00 we were seated shortly there after. The waitress borough coffee and juice right away. Unfortunately 45 min. later there was still no food. Fortunately I fed my family first breakfast, so while the boys were bonkers they were not starving.

Then the weirdness started. My mom announces that my dad is not feeling well. I look over and he is resting his head against the table and mom has a cold rag on his neck. I go over and ask him a few questions only to find out he has had a big glass of coffee and OJ this morning but no food. He is pasty and shaky. I go to the host and ask for a piece of toast. When I come back my father is no longer responsive, my mother is crying and saying "Manuel talk to me, please talk to me." John calls 911, I take Dad's pulse, it is regular but weak. I know he suffers from low blood pressure, but we can not get him in a laying position now that he is unconscious and we are in a crowded restaurant.

While this is all going on one of my nieces is crying, my boys are being reasonably good, but my brother has turned three shades of green and has become cool, clammy and shakey. I let his wife help him, only to find Dad now looking strait at me and mom but audibly snoring, his eyes rolled back in his head and now I can't find a pulse. John assures me the ambulance is on the way.

My brother is not looking good and now Mom is even more worried (mind you my mother has a torn rotater cuff that she will be having surgery on in the next few days. She is in no position to deal with all of this at the same time.) He also had a huge Starbucks coffee on an empty stomach, then had the panic surge of seeing our 84 year old father in such a state.

Dad then opens his eyes and starts to come to. He speaks but his words are all slurred, I fear a stroke. The paramedics show up, and now 1hour and 15 min. later so does our food.

Then Dad snaps out of it, he wants to eat, he wants fresh air, his blood pressure is low (this has happened before but not for 2 years)his blood sugar was low. Fortunately it was not a stroke, his heart is good. My brother is also coming back to life as he gets some food and an awkward breakfast ensues.

I am not sure how to take all of this. It was too close for me. Mind you my father has lived an amazing life, he has done what he wants to do. He swims every other day and plays golf every other day. He avidly reads, goes to classes at the local university and is an active participant in his book club. He has raised 6 kids and now has 15 grand kids. All of this said, I selfishly was terrified today of loosing him this father's day. I am sure I was not the only one and I sure hope that we can have a do over next year.

Summer fun

It has been while since I have posted but hey, better late than never right? We have an ongoing joke that we are the family that helps others feel like they really have their stuff together:) While things are crazy that does not seem stop us from doing many wonderful things and creating life long memories for our boys.

The big news in our world is that I am officially on summer break. While I love teaching with all of my heart, and I know without a doubt that being an educator is my true calling in life, I am also a mom, a mom who worked very hard to get my two boys home. This summer to me is very special because this last year I have known with every fiber of my being that Isaac needed me, and not the me one gets after a long day of work. Knowing this, and then turning it around to quality family time is a bit different. I have to admit that when I went back to school after being home with him for 6 weeks, I would say with all honesty that I was going back to work to relax before my evening shift.

This go around though has been wonderful. First off I am getting to garden again, and I love it. I feel this immense sense of purpose as I grow food for my garden. I am also able to free up John's schedule because I am home so that he can accomplish a lot more with our business, The Backyard Pantry. As far as the boys we have decided to switch our schedule to a siesta schedule and it seems to give us all some much needed time together and apart:
6:00am Karon and John are up and working in the garden while it is cool.
7:00am the boys get up and play outside while it is cool.
7:30am breakfast on the porch
8:00-9:30 the boys play around the property while John and I do outside chores or building raised beds for our clients. This usually involves the boys running around in the sprinklers as I do my morning watering.
9:30 get ready to go to the pool
10:00-12:00 Karon and the boys swim while it is in the 90's
12:30-1:30 Lunch
1:30-3:30 naps for all
3:30-4:30 Movie time if behavior has been good (mind you it is still in the high 90's so moving fast is pretty hard:)
They boys then play until we have a dusk dinner
more outside play as a family while it is cool then stories and bed time.

Both boys are loving so much time at the pool and Isaac is a great little helper in the garden. Emerson tells me almost daily how happy he is to have his new brother Isaac. Isaac is learning how to play with Emerson and becomes more sociable every day. Tomorrow I am taking them to the library program and we are going to go as a family to the water park on Thursday.

What I love right now are the litte moments that I hope will be strong memories for the boys. I love that they help me pick the vegetables we eat for dinner or that if a song we like starts playing during dinner we all get up and dance. I think it is hilarious (and slightly disturbing) that when we work the farmers market selling our raised garden beds, that Emerson will tell people: "My dad builds the best raised garden beds ever! You should get one and then I can come to your house and watch movies while he puts it in. OK"

There are other times when I look at the boys and I am so thankful that we all found each other. I don't think of us as their saviors, yet I do find myself so thankful that they escaped the system. Kazakhstan is closed now and that means that there are many kids piling up in the orphanages. When or if it reopens, I worry that families will only want the little girls and the toddler and preschool boys will be left behind. I think of Isaac, a little boy trying to get adopted from China where most people expect to adopt a girl. At Kazapalooza I found myself so thankful for each and every child I saw with each family that opened their hearts, minds and homes to a different way of making a family.

Kazapalooza

It is hard to believe it is almost time for Kazapalooza again. Every year we always wonder how we will make it work, we figure out what we are willing to go without so that we can go, and every year it is very worth it. There is something amazing about being around those with a shared collective experience that few people in our day to day life have. We are all so vastly different in terms of careers, religion, reason for adopting, financial stability, where we live, what our experience was like in adoption, but we all have one huge thing in common. We persevered through mountains of paperwork and red tape, because some part of our inner being drove us to go to one more USCIS appointment, to redo that form again, and to be fingerprinted by every possible agency just to prove we were not in fact criminals. We have all done something that was not easy, or normal, but what we as families knew to be the right path for us. Few of us have had flawless journeys, but that is what makes our families rich and helps (hopeful) our children know how much they were really wanted in this world.

Kazapalooza is only one weekend a year, but it also gives us the community (even if it is virtual for 362 days a year) to be a part of and lean on.

John and I are the ones this time wishing we could go ahead and pack our bags. Emerson was kind enough to remind me that there were still 10 more days until we leave. Isaac does not know about this event yet. I am trying to really prepare him for a vacation. It is still a little freaky for him to do things out of the routine. The last two big times he met a lot of strangers in a hotel, he lost what was his family or home life. I keep reassuring him that we are going as a family and we will come home as a family.

Our plan is to go to KP then up to Port St. Joe on the way back and enjoy a few days there before enjoying the summer with the boys and working on the buisness (The Backyard Pantry.)

Big Progress

Dear Readers,
I feel as though once again I should start my post with an apology. It has been too long again, and I would love to say it is because I am so busy. It is true I am busy, but there are other adoptive parents who are way busier and keep their blog up on a more regular basis. I will say, that I have a no scream policy at home, which does not help. When Isaac came home we diched the TV, and the computer at home is for me to look up recipies or put music on for the family. I think it is my guilt of working so many hours. Regardless of all my exuses of why I have been a bad blogger I am here... for today.

Let me start first with a progress report. I need to brag on Isaac and the power of family. If you have followed this blog since his adoption you will know that he was a bit of a mess when he got to us. He was on intense psycotrophic drugs, very under weight, could barely hear, did not have many words he could speak, he could not walk on uneven surfaces, he would hit, throw things and arch his back when hugged. He would wake up with night terrors or refuse to go to sleep at all.

We have come a long way since them. Isaac now talks up a storm (it is stil hard to understand him at times), he gives great hugs and even spontaniously will tell me he loves me. He is now on the charts and even 25th % for height and weight. He gladly will set the entire table for a meal (granted he does this becaue he has learned it means we eat sooner and the boy loves to eat.) He goes to sleep well and knows what to expect with his night time routine. He will often come out of his room in the morning dressed apropriately for the day, and he is great about cleaning up his room without me asking. The biggest news we recived in regards to his progress is his intelectual development. Isaac was labeled as developmentaly delayed. In the adoption world we know this term well, but there is always some worry that comes with it. We know as adoptive parents that our kids will be delayed, and we hope that with life experiences with family love our child will catch up. There is always the worry that there is something else causing these delays and that your child just might not catch up to their peers. This is the information we got from the school at his IEP meeting. When we took Isaac for his developmental screaning in August he was testing at a 26 month old level for a 3.5 year old. The great news is that last month he tested at a 4 year old level for a 4 year old. The folks at the international clinic were amazed. They said they have never seen a kid come from so far behind, to on target so quickly.

The one area we are still really struggling with is emotional age. Isaac, with me, reverts back to baby land regularly. I mean crawling on the floor, grunting and pointing, drooling, baby behavior... I will be honest, this is madening to me. I totaly get why he is doing it, I logicaly know he needs a mother (me) to make up for years of neglect. The difficulty is that he wants it but has no idea how to appropritely get motherly attention. When we go to cuddle he often pulls away, then 2 seconds later demands that I hold him. When he does not get his way, he reacts like an 18 month old. He hits, screams, pouts. I keep reminding myself that this imaturity will not always be so obvious. Yes, it is drastic to have a 4 year old acting like a 2 year old. Now a 40 year old acting like a 38 year old is not that big of a deal.

Way too Long

OK I am so sorry to have left my readers in a lurch. To say life has been busy since I last wrote would very much be an understatment. I also think though, I owe it to Isaac and those concidering follwoing in our foot steps to update the blog so that y'all can see how far he has come and we have come.

First a breif summary of what we have been up to these last few months.
1. We moved to our amzing new place in the country that has required loads of work.
2. We discovered some title problems with the property causing us to need for the first time outside of adopting to get a lawyer UGG
3. We spent Christmas break at home starting to revamp our landscape to a more eddible landscape.
4. Just as I went back to work, John had a hissy fit over a feril cat that got into our barn. As he chased it down the stairs and out onto the drive way, he triped and fell strait armed on the driveway. He sperated all the ligaments of his shoulder and had to have major surgery on it two days later. He then spent 6 weeks completely incapacitated (unable to drive, sleep through the night, pick up the boys, cook, clean, eat with the family...) you get the idea.
5. I then move into the role or caring for 3 children, taking care of John's buisness, doing everything for the boys, house and doing my 60 hour a week job.
6. John is starting to recover, but was told by his physical therapist that he might need another surgery because he did not start the PT soon enough and his shoulder is not healing properly.
7. I have been gardening like mad. So far I have planted in the ground, peas, parsnips, carrots, beets, Pak choi, spinach, swill chard, garilc, onions, thyme, cumin, strawberries, blueberries ad grapes. I have loads more in the green house but I am waiting for consistantly warmer weather first.

OK so now onto the boys...
Honetly, I have not blogged much because thigs are pretty normal... well as normal as they get with two four year old boys.
Emerson is as rough and tough as they get, but couples that with his adorable loveable nature.
Isaac sort of sticks to the middle. He is not supper lovey, but he also does not throw the caliber temper tandrums Emerson is capable of.

Emerson is balls out adventure boy. There is very little the scares him, he does not care if he is wet, cold no big deal, jumping in deep water, no problem.

Isaac is much more cautions. When it snowed, Emerson was striping off cloths stating he did not need them because he is a big boy and he was fine. Isaac quickly grabed up the clothes that Emerson was discarding. Isaac the other day followed Emerson's warrior jump into a a pool came up sobbing in frustration that he had follwed his brother to such an unplesant experience. The good thing was that this did not deter him from later enjoying the water. He just went in cautiouly from then on.

Emerson eats dinner like a nomad. He eats what he wants, when he wants, and has no problem going on a hunger strike. Isaac on the other hand, loves his food. He is silent, and dilagent during meal times. There is never a bite left over and he is usualy very happy to eat what Emerson left on his plate.

Isaac has come a long way since he has been with us. He is meeting most of his IEP goals but still very much struggles with speach sounds. He talks away now and says one declaritive sentace after another. For example:
"I like rice."
"My Daddy likes rice"
"My mommy likes rice"
"Emerson does not like rice"
He will rattle like this for hours on end. It is good for language aquisition and he now has words, the speach therapist has something to work with in terms of sounds. For me,(caution guilt confession comming) I feel like I have been listening to a forign language all day and by the end of the day I just want silence because it is so hard to interpret and very little of it is telling me something original. He will shout MaMAa MaMa at the top of his lungs only to have my attention and then say "oatmeal" for the 400th time.

He forutnatley now can understand most of what we say to him. He still has a very hard time following directions if they are only given verbaly and many times he chooses to test the waters to see if he must follow the direction. This is frustrting, becuase he really is a good little boy. He likes to help, he is good at looking for missing items, watering plants, setting the table, putting clothes away.. So when he puts up a fuss about it, it feels like he is being dissagreable just for the fun of it.

Isaac has also tunred out to be very coordinated. The little boy that came to us could not walk down a hill without falling. Now he can do flips, handstnads, hop on one foot, gallop sideways and all sorts of other neat tricks.

As far as being a family, I will be honest, it is still forming. Isaac still prefers me much more than John. A lot of this has to do with John's injury and absnce while he got the new house ready for us. A lot also has to do with him never having formed a health male bond before. For me, it feels like the attaching is taking forever. I love Isaac, but in a very different way than I love Emerson. A lot just has to do with the fact that we still have not know him that long, and we are still getting to know him. Right now, it feels like he just imitates others and thus I really don't get to see his true character yet. Fortunately our love continues to grow, but it is slow and steady.