You look good with gray hair

Yes, this is what John tells me while we are sitting in the hot tub yesterday. "You look good with gray hair. You know not all women are so lucky." My first reaction was to remind him that he needs to find his brain to mouth filter or else he will be seriously hurt by me for such comments.

Then he explained that he likes the "older" me. Mind you I am only 34, and he is the old one, but for years he has exclaimed that my impatience is due to being young and inexperienced. For years, I have declared that my impatience is what drives me, what makes the world go around and well, it is why I get so much done while John is spinning his wheels.

So I am finding that he is a little right. I am finding that I can now see that good stuff takes a while, it is OK to start something and take years to finish it, making plans for the unknown future does have value. How I am learning this:

* Gardening: Things are not instant, seeds don't always germinate, insects can wipe out a whole crop, I must nurture my plants through the rough times, great stuff like fruit and asparagus must be planted and taken care of for years before I get the goods.

* The business (The Backyard Pantry): If nagging were a professional sport I would be the big winner. When we started the business, I was impatient for growth, for sales, for things to happen, and yesterday darn it! I now see the complexity of it, and the value of doing it right (old man John got this right away.) For example we make sure we get sustainably harvested wood, all of the metal we use is post consumer, need dirt? We know where to find it now. But it all takes time and yes the business is evolving into something wonderful and now when it takes off it will have much more depth than if we just did it quick and dirty.

*Home remodeling: John is fabulous at the destruction phase of remodeling. He is also wonderful at putting the house back together, eventually. I would not say I am a big fan of this process, but at least now that I have lived through it (and let John live) I know it works out and it is much more beautiful than if someone else did it..eventually.

*Adoption: I don't know about you, but I like things to work out the way I planned them and how I planned them when I expected it to happen. John and I expected to have two kids, how this came to be was way beyond my imagination. This simple lesson (OK adopting is NOT simple but the lesson is as plain as day) is a daily reminder that my wishes come true, I just need to trust that the universe gets to decide how.

I can still remember my first gray hair. I was living in Central America as a field researcher and my friend Vicky, from Singapo, spotted it. I asked her to yank it out. She gave me a horified look and said, "but your gray hairs are your bits of wisdom, I cannot take that from you!" Thank you Vicky for seeing this so early and thanks John for seeing the beauty in a bit of gray.