Life with no TV

Recently we moved and when we did we made a big choice. We decided to leave our TV's in the boxes and not get any service. This was not toaly new to us as we had lived without television service in Oregon for 8 years and really we did not have it in our pre-married lives either. We did always have a TV that we could watch movies on, but alas that is no longer either.

Why you might ask? There were several huge factors.
1. Emerson was absurdly addicted. So much that when he was called to dinner, had guest over or asked to turn it off he would go into hysterics. He would beg to leave the park so that he could go home and watch TV. Then to top it off he was making really poor choices of what to watch. While I appreciate Batman's desire to save the world, I am not so happy with the kung-fo moves that he taught my son.

2. We were choosing to watch mindless TV way too much. We would stay up way too late and be over tired the next day. I would not want to read to the boys because I had to see the next dance on "Dancing with the Stars" or the end of a good HGTV show. In all reality we have way too much to do to spend our precious little time watching someone else do something.

3. Our boys need us right now. They need us to be present, well rested and a part of their life. "I" is growing at lightning speed both physically and developmentally and we need to be there for that.

4. It did help that our local cable company did not service our area either and the other option was way too much $

So what is life now with out TV, you might ask?
I love it and can't see going back anytime soon. "E" has not totally caught onto it yet. He still checks out DVS's every time we go to the library. When he gets home he asked to watch it. I then calmly explain to him that we don't have anything to watch it on. The other day when we went through this talk (again) he just said, "can I go play baseball?" Yes my dear, you are 4 and that is what you are supposed to do.

Tonight we spend 2 hours playing outside. We picked persimmons from our tree, we told stories in our new TP, the boys and I cleaned all the water out of the sand box, we built a train track, they helped make pizza dough, we read books , then we finished off the night with a board game.

I watched the boys create, experiment, explore, absorb and play with such bliss and intensity tonight. I was so proud of them as they each found something that interested them and went for it.

This is why we got rid of the TV and I am so happy. We worked so hard to bring our little ones into our lives and I don't want to miss a moment.

Three months later

It is sometimes hard to believe that "I" has only been in our family for three months. It seems like this is how chaotic things have always been. The other night John and I took the time to look back through all of our pictures from when we first met him. It was amazing to see how far he has come. So here is my working list from the last two months.

1. Eating and gorging: What can I say, the kid has a huge appetite. He regularly out eats John and usually cleans E's plate after dinner. He does not have to always have food with him anymore and he does not beg for food at each new location. He will still tell me he is hungry after a huge meal, but I am sure it is a power thing.

2. Digestion Issues: We now know with out a doubt that he is allergic to dairy. One small bit = big time stomach upset. Now that we have cut it out 100% he has gained 7 lbs in 3 months.

3. Drugs: He came off all the drugs they had him on in August. We had him take melatonin for a while to help with sleep but now he does not even need that. We are also not seeing the wild behavior we did when he first came off the medicine.



3. Behavior: I am happy to say that this is the area we have come the furthest in. When "I" came to us he did not have any consistency in regards to behavior and when he was drugged he didn't have to try because he was so out of it. He now gets it. When I give him a choice of "sit down in the bath tub" or "go strait to bed." He sits down. He realizes he has a choice and that we have rules. Sure he messes up but it is more like 30% of the time rather than 95%. This process has not been fun or for the faint of heart and I am sure we will still have new challenges and backwards steps. But for now I feel like we are closing the 3.5 year gap that we started with.

4. Potty: Isaac is mostly potty trained in the day.He is very good about asking and even asked at school the other day. He can't stand and Pee, but one step at a time. We are still working on the night time thing, but that is much slower going.

5. Brothers: This is probably our biggest struggle right now. E communicates with his hands and "I" reacts by screaming, crying and melting down. Words Boys! Words! "E" has done a lot of regressing throughout the process so we are making sure he gets a lot of one on one time. The good news is that E has not asked to take him back to his old home recently.

6. Attachment: I can truly say that I love both my boys unconditionally now. "I" has many qualities I am growing to love and he gives wonderful hugs. There are moments when we find our selves wondering why we ever embarked on the parenthood journey. Fortunately they are very few, and we remember that this has been better than any of our adventures in our previous life.

7. Coordination: I would venture to say that he has leveled out with his peers in this area. He runs, jumps, climbs like the rest of them. We haven't had a major incident in weeks. We are still always cautious with him because he still is weak in the area of cause and effect. The other day he just let go of a swing instead of asking to get down. Oops.

8. Self Play: I would say he is right where he should be, but he still needs to be watched closely with Emerson.

9. Language: He has come miles in this area. This alone is one of the major reasons he is doing better in the other areas of life. He can put together sentences, ask for help, tell me if his tummy hurts or what he wants to eat. He understands what I am asking or telling him. Yes, it is hard to understand him and he has many sounds he can not make yet, but at least we have words to work with.

On the Day You Were Born

Emerson was recently given a copy of this book for his birthday. It is a beautifully illustrated book talking about all of the amazing things that were happening on the day he (and everyone else for that matter) was born. It is a science teacher's dream of a book because it ties all the stuff I teach about. I totally get why he was given it and why millions of copies have been sold. Absolutely beautiful story.

I was doing great tonight reading it to him, until the very last page. It reads like so:

"Welcome to the spinning world," the peope sang,
as they washed your new, tiny hands.

"Welcome to the green Earth," the people sand,
as they wrapped your wet body.

And as they held you close
they whispered into your open, curving ear,
"We are so glad you've come!"

As the parent of two adopted boys the tears flowed for the unknown and the little bit I do know.
Did their birth mothers ever hold them?
Where was Isaac even born?
What was Isaac's name them?
Who spoke up for Emerson and acknowledge that his tiny 1.7lb body was alive?

What I know is that I wish that this story was true, that the first people (who I have never met, nor probably never will meet) who held my baby boys were glad they were here. It left me with more questions than answers. With Emerson we have lots of guesses. We can make a pretty story out of the fragmented puzzle pieces. There are also enough pieces that could make for a much worse story. What the truth is, we don't know.

With Isaac, it is even harder. I know nothing. I don't have a name, birth city, birthday, age of parents, were they poor? was it because of his cleft pa let? were they married? was he planned? unplanned? who was he with before he was found by the police in a basket? We did not go to China so this piece is a huge gap for us.

There is a huge part of me that wants to let their birth mothers know that they boys are well, thriving and loved. There is another part of me that is so sad that my children's stories do not have a happy beginning.

This is one of the realities of being an adoptive parent. I would not give up the experience for any other way of life, yet I have a lot of soul searching to do before the boys start asking the hard questions.

So what did happen on the day they were born:

Yes, the Earth did spin, the sun did rise, the animals did migrate, gravity pulled my boys to the center of the Earth, the tides ebbed and flowed, and yes, "we your forever family were so glad that you arrived on this planet."

Here is what I wrote on the day Emerson was relinquished:
The Joys of Paperwork

10-15-06
Here we go on our journey to start our family. We have made lots of important decisions this last month including picking an agency, a country to adopt from and the age of our child(ren) to be. Now we have hit the ground running by collecting our vital records, scheduling physicals, getting our house ready for the home study visit, renewing our passports and sending off the I-600A.

Here is what I wrote on Isaac's assumed birth date: What I find interesting is we were so convinced that we were going to be able to adopt two kids on our trip to Kaz that were close in age. We had it sort of right:

Sunday, January 28, 2007
Update

Sorry we have been bad bloggers this past week. Our house has been in major transition as we have been moving the office upstairs and continuing to put the nursery together. While it might sound like a simple task it was pretty monumental to rearrange our whole house. I checked on a Dossier through FedEx tracking on Friday and it was on its way to Almaty, so I assume it will be on its way to Astan (the capital) any day now. Unfortunately during the office shuffle I misplaced the tracking number so I will have to wait until tomorrow to continue my stalking of our package.

Yesterday morning I think it finally hit me full force that we are getting really close. There are certain things I have been putting off saying that it was too soon to mess with this or that. Now I am realizing that we need to get our buts in gear. If you know me (Karon) you know that I like to have things done way in advance, so I would rather work my tail off now than be in utter panic the last two weeks. I am also starting to get concerned by the fact that this little one or two will not have a thing to wear as we have not bought any clothes because we don’t know the age. I know I need to trust the process, but I hate feeling clueless. Oh well I guess I better get used to it. I will post pictures as soon as we finish rearranging the house.

E's Birthday

 

 

 

The Famiy Pictures are up

So late the other night I decided our new family picutres had to go up. We have not even finished painting the kitchen and bathrooms, but I could not wait. I wanted the wonderful pictures that the Kaz moms and Jenny Morgan gave to us. It was a push to say the least to get John to play along. Picture hanging with him is a science and enginering feat, and perfection is the standard. It took 3 hours to hang three pictures, but we got it done. We were so adamant about wanting family pictures because we saw how sad Isaac was when he looked at the pictures that did not have him in it in Texas. He also constanty noticed the family pictures John had framed for me this past mother's day hanging up. Isaac got it, he was not part of our family picture and it visibly made him sad.

I had no idea that he would react so favorably to the new pictures but it brought tears to our eyes. Both the boys woke up and when they went into the living room, they noticed them imediately. Isaac literaly was standing on the sofa, pointing to them naming everyone and saying "my family, Isaac's family." Every time he comes into the room he repeats the ritual as if to remind himself that this is real.

So thank you so much to all of those who contributed to the photos. I will post pictures soon of they boys looking at their pictures. It is a special peice of helping Isaac know and understand that he is part of our family now.

Feeling Thankful

These days I wake up and go to bed with one major thought: Thank You World.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. John and I have the children we have hoped for since June of 2004, we are close to family, we have an amazing piece of property, we own a business helping people garden which is one of our passions, and I am so lucky to be in the public service of teaching kids.

All in all I feel like I have won the lotter in that my life has come together. I know there are bumps yet to come and loose ends to tie up, but all in all we worked really hard for these things, dreamed of these things, and here they are.

Isaac has come leaps and bounds these last three months. Emerson is acting out a lot, but I have confidence that his behavior will improve along with Isaac's.

The house could not be better for all of us. Today I cleared paths, weeded and pruned my fruit trees. It felt wonderful. All the while the boys were racing cars up and down the driveway, picking up pretty things to put in their "Jars of Wonder" and John was setting up the Tee Pee we acquired yesterday from one of Mom's neighbors. I finally feel at home in Alabama because this property is so us.

Looking at all of it I also am so thankful for my past, for without it, (as treacherous as it sometimes was) I could not be here. If we did not have such a friend as Larry McGraw in Oregon to teach us about gardening and fruit trees, I doubt we would have our business or have been drawn so much to our property. If we had not been infertile, I am sad to say our path would have been much more strait, but so much less fulfilling. If our second Kaz journey had not been so abruptly shut down Isaac would not be ours and quite frankly we would not have been able to buy our place. If I had not had a crummy job when I first came to Birmingham, I would not be teaching at such an amazing school. If my dear friend Jamie's son had not been born with a cleft lip, she might not have opened my eyes and heart to a child like Isaac.

I guess what I am saying is that I am in a place where the wisdom of it all is so clear and I am so glad to be on this end of it for the time being. I feel this is important to, because I think of all the little passing comments, or influences that led us to where we are. Not just the major people in our lives, or major events led us here. It was all of it. So next time you get the chance to come into contact with someone in a vulnerable place remember that what you say, do, how you treat them, really does matter. Maybe not right then, but it sticks with you, shapes you, goes into that tool box and one day gets put to use.

So thank you to all of those people and experiences that have crossed our paths. Weather they were positive or negative does not make a difference. It has made us who we are and led us to where we are.

Now the big question is what is next. Contentment is a new concept for me. I will be honest, I am looking around each corner wondering what the next surprise is. For now I think it is a small dose of normalcy. That is a pretty new thing for us.

Maybe that is the suprize.

Family Pictures

 

 

 

 

What has hapened in the writting gap

I am having the feeling now, as I do many times, when I have left a journal on the shelf too long. Then, when I finally pick it up, I feel overwhelmed because I feel like I should pick it back up where I left out. Being overwhelmed sets in and then I usually re shelve the journal and repeat the same exercise. But alas a blog is different, so my reaction this time shall be different too.

What have we been up to im my absence? The main thing has been moving. We broke down the office of the old house which meant sutting off the Internet. We still have not set up the new office (but major progress is being made) and I still have not figured out our wireless connection at the new house. So, baby steps are being made.

I also am back at work. I must say it has gone smother than I expected it to. John and Isaac are doing well together and school is wonderful for both boys. We are so lucky to have them in an early intervention pre-school with a teacher who is incredible innovative and a whole team that works with our kids to get them on the right track. I do joke around with people that I come to work to relax and that it is easier to teach and manage 115 middle school students than to do the same for my two toddlers:)

John is also slowly getting back into the grove of work. This has been harder for him because he was the one fixing up our new house and getting it all painted (we still have three rooms to finish.) He also has to figure out a new system for building the raised garden beds at our new house.

The boys are loving the new house. It is so good for them to have so much outside space to play. Isaac loves that there are swings all over the property and that he can ride in the fire truck or little car up and down our long driveway. Emerson just loves getting to explore and run around. He also apprecitates the abundance of swords/sticks all over the place.

We also made a definitive move, by canceling TV and we did not even unpack our TV's. I am loving that this battle is over with Emerson. It was such problem at our old place. I also like that John and I have one less distraction. It was way too easy for us to zone out with the TV, and the reality is that was did not have time for that, and our boys need us.

The other big thing is that the boys are starting to play together. It is so cute to see them laugh and wrestle. Emerson is helping Isaac learn his ABC's and counting. He will repeat a letter or number over and over until Isaac saies it to his satisfaction.

I promise pictures will come soon, but I am writing before school starts because we are not up and running at home.

Oh and we recived out whole dossier back from our other agency the other day. It was a bit weird and sad, but I know things worked out the way they were supposed to.

Bad Blogger

I am sorry to all of you who have been regularly checking and finding nothing. We are stil sorting and sifting through boxes and our internet is just now up at our new house. I still need to figure out the wireless but not much will be writen this week either. Things are going well I am just overwhelemed with fixing my nest and getting used to being back at work. Oh, and we decided to be totaly irresponsible and go to the beach this weekend. It was great, but boy am I paying in axiety now that we are back home. I promise I will write again soon.