Emerson was recently given a copy of this book for his birthday. It is a beautifully illustrated book talking about all of the amazing things that were happening on the day he (and everyone else for that matter) was born. It is a science teacher's dream of a book because it ties all the stuff I teach about. I totally get why he was given it and why millions of copies have been sold. Absolutely beautiful story.
I was doing great tonight reading it to him, until the very last page. It reads like so:
"Welcome to the spinning world," the peope sang,
as they washed your new, tiny hands.
"Welcome to the green Earth," the people sand,
as they wrapped your wet body.
And as they held you close
they whispered into your open, curving ear,
"We are so glad you've come!"
As the parent of two adopted boys the tears flowed for the unknown and the little bit I do know.
Did their birth mothers ever hold them?
Where was Isaac even born?
What was Isaac's name them?
Who spoke up for Emerson and acknowledge that his tiny 1.7lb body was alive?
What I know is that I wish that this story was true, that the first people (who I have never met, nor probably never will meet) who held my baby boys were glad they were here. It left me with more questions than answers. With Emerson we have lots of guesses. We can make a pretty story out of the fragmented puzzle pieces. There are also enough pieces that could make for a much worse story. What the truth is, we don't know.
With Isaac, it is even harder. I know nothing. I don't have a name, birth city, birthday, age of parents, were they poor? was it because of his cleft pa let? were they married? was he planned? unplanned? who was he with before he was found by the police in a basket? We did not go to China so this piece is a huge gap for us.
There is a huge part of me that wants to let their birth mothers know that they boys are well, thriving and loved. There is another part of me that is so sad that my children's stories do not have a happy beginning.
This is one of the realities of being an adoptive parent. I would not give up the experience for any other way of life, yet I have a lot of soul searching to do before the boys start asking the hard questions.
So what did happen on the day they were born:
Yes, the Earth did spin, the sun did rise, the animals did migrate, gravity pulled my boys to the center of the Earth, the tides ebbed and flowed, and yes, "we your forever family were so glad that you arrived on this planet."
Here is what I wrote on the day Emerson was relinquished:
The Joys of Paperwork
10-15-06
Here we go on our journey to start our family. We have made lots of important decisions this last month including picking an agency, a country to adopt from and the age of our child(ren) to be. Now we have hit the ground running by collecting our vital records, scheduling physicals, getting our house ready for the home study visit, renewing our passports and sending off the I-600A.
Here is what I wrote on Isaac's assumed birth date: What I find interesting is we were so convinced that we were going to be able to adopt two kids on our trip to Kaz that were close in age. We had it sort of right:
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Update
Sorry we have been bad bloggers this past week. Our house has been in major transition as we have been moving the office upstairs and continuing to put the nursery together. While it might sound like a simple task it was pretty monumental to rearrange our whole house. I checked on a Dossier through FedEx tracking on Friday and it was on its way to Almaty, so I assume it will be on its way to Astan (the capital) any day now. Unfortunately during the office shuffle I misplaced the tracking number so I will have to wait until tomorrow to continue my stalking of our package.
Yesterday morning I think it finally hit me full force that we are getting really close. There are certain things I have been putting off saying that it was too soon to mess with this or that. Now I am realizing that we need to get our buts in gear. If you know me (Karon) you know that I like to have things done way in advance, so I would rather work my tail off now than be in utter panic the last two weeks. I am also starting to get concerned by the fact that this little one or two will not have a thing to wear as we have not bought any clothes because we don’t know the age. I know I need to trust the process, but I hate feeling clueless. Oh well I guess I better get used to it. I will post pictures as soon as we finish rearranging the house.
I can't even open that book without bawling! Yes, what big questions about your boys' beginnings. Another adoptive parent shared a sweet story with me ~ she said that after getting the call that her son was born, before being able to meet him two days later, she was petrified that he was alone in the hospital - who was with him? Who was caring for him? The next morning her husband called to ask and the folks at the hospital just laughed - the nurses had taken turns holding him all night long! I have heard that neonatal nurses get very attached to "their" babies, and feel assured by how E responded to "I love you" in Russian that he was surrounded by love. For I, who knows? What we do know is that a whole series of events occurred that led to him now having your arms to hold him. I cannot imagine how tough it must be to have so many unanswered questions. And, it is amazing to see how well he is responding to consistent love and care. He has come so far in just a couple of months - imagine where he will be in a couple of years? Still, so many questions. . .
ReplyDeleteIs this the book written by Jamie Lee Curtis? We have "Big words for little people" and "Is there really a human race?" and love them (the latter makes me tear up). I can so relate to your thoughts about birthparents and also to the differences in birth story between E and I. I do believe that M's birthmom loved him and would so like to meet M's birthmom someday and tell her that he is thriving. I don't have the same warm and fuzzy for I's birthmom and, instead, am still amazed at the events that happened to ensure that she survived her infancy, made it to the Semey baby house 100 miles away and was adopted by an American couple with open minds and open hearts.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I don't have a journal of what we were thinking and doing on Miras's birthdate but I think it was very close to the date that we decided to adopt from Kazakhstan. Given what you wrote on the days of their births, I think that your boys WERE a twinkle in your eyes when they were born!