Sending Daniyar Home

Today I sent a huge chunk of my heart back to Kazakhstan this morning. We have had a wonderful year of being part of a 17 year olds journey to learn more about the world. In tern we were blessed with the opportunity to get to know our son's birth country in a much more intimate way. I am so thankful that we took him on for the year, but today was hard. Fortunately it looks like today was not good buy, but more like see you later. We hope with all of our heart that we will be in Kazakhstan this fall and we plan on meeting up with him and his family.

hopeful news from agency

"Yesterday the Embassy said that all dossiers had to be submitted by today so it appears the deadline was for submission of dossiers to Embassy. Your dossier is already in the Embassy so there is still a good chance you will be processed. Normally it takes 3-4 weeks to be released by Embassy but we will see if it happens faster or slower now that he took multiple dossiers at once.

I know it is hard to keep waiting but all we can do is wait and see when your dossier gets released and sent to the Ministry."

This sure looks promising. My hopes are growing again. Hang on little person, I think I can, I know we can.

It is out of my hands, I must trust, repeat, it is out of...

My mantra that I must repeat to my self is that I have done everything possible that I can do for our adoption process. There is not a darn thing I can do no mater how much I desperately want to beg an official to know how my heart aches for our family to add a child and for my child that is waiting for a family.

In the mean time I am trying to find hidden meaning in everything. I feel like I used to feel when we were wishing and waiting every month for a baby only to realize that I was imagining on inventing symptoms. Last night as I read Emerson The Little Engine that Could, I found myself feeling like the little blue engine.
I think I can get you paperwork in CA from AL in a day,
I think I can go get my FBI prints done again,
I think I can beg my social worker to add on more piece of information to my home study
I think I can endure USCIS paperwork again and reprinting
I think I can not buy anything or go out to dinner for years to bring my little one home.
I think I can wait for days to find out if a journey of years to create a family is finally over.
I think I can make it to the top of this hill.


In the mean time I keep remember that I am so luck to have my amazing son. He brings me so much joy every day. I am very sad to be loosing my other "son" on Thursday. I am so glad that we hosted Daniyar this year but boy is it going to be hard to say good buy. I have been Ok with it because we thought we would be in Kazakhstan this summer or fall. I know we will always have a connection to Kaz, but it is hard to think it might be years before we see him again rather than months.

Again, I am thankful for no news rather than news saying "No." We are so fortunate to even have one child considering the ridiculously difficult road to parent hood, yet I feel in my heart that it is not over. Recently the form of comfort we are getting is "Don't work about it, if the adoption fails, it was not meant to be." Yet had I had this attitude with conceiving then Emerson would not be a part of our lives. Too many people have this attitude and this is why so many children live with out homes. Complacency is not in my nature. For that matter neither is patience. Oh well, I will wait then on pins and needles fighting all the way to complete my family.

Emotional

Yesterday was a day completely void of any news on the adoption front. We still have no idea what the Counsel will do with our dossier that is in the DC Embassy. Are hands are tied at this point. I am trying to be empathetic. We recently had a customer with the business that wanted a custom order of 4 4'x12' raised beds. He desperately wanted the beds for spring planting, so he would call and talk to John during his few precious work hours while Emerson was at school. Finllay his wife got it... If you keep calling someone while they are working feverantly to complete the project, to question them why they are not done, you only prolong the process. So I am making the best effort to back off, and trust that people are doing their job the best they can. I am also realizing that there is not a darn thing I can do so I have to trust them. 30 Rock last night seemed like it was written for me:)

On a different note, I actually got to go to a school program for Emerson last night. I almost never get to do anything school wise with him because I am always teaching. Last night I got to be the beaming parent as I watch my little boy stand front and center, doing is happy dance and sing two songs. I found myself on the verge of tears for several reasons. One I was so inspired by him and how far my little one has come. It is hard to believe that he started off on his own, and has now stolen so many hearts. Secondly, as I looked around at the primarily well to do crowd and kids with all of their needs met and loads of family to love ans support them, it broke my heart to know that a minority of children have such luxuries. It shakes the very core of my conscious to know that there are so many children in the world that live without. I just hope that I can make a difference.

The Latest

Dear Karon,



We have not received any information to confirm the information you posted below. At this point we cannot assume anything and we are not going to assume that you do not have a chance until it is confirmed. We have requested a response from the Embassy on your dossier but have not received it yet. However he has stated he will accept 10 dossiers from us. We are optimistic about this possibility but you can never know with Kazakhstan officials, they can always change mind. If he is really going to accept 10 dossiers then yours should be processed as well. It is too soon to know for sure but we remain hopeful and continue to do everything we can. I will let you know when I receive any confirmation.

This is what we know for now.

Hope wanning

I just read, though unofficualy, that the MFA will not accept dossiers after May 25th. This gives us almost no time at the Embassy. The counsolet has not even acknowledge our paperwork in any way. If I remember correctly from our last adoption, it take 3-5 days to get to Astana. I seriously doubt it will make it. My heart is very heavy with the atnisipation of bad news. It also said on the Embassy website that this will go through with their legislation which has the new age and marital laws. Kazkahstan from what I understand will restrict adoptions to couples under 45. I apreciate the kind words that all the delays will lead you to the right child, but to us it will lead us to no one. It also leads the older child that we were open to adopting with very little chance for a home.

Waiting with held breath

We are in a stage now where no news is good news. It means that the Embassy has not decided to send the unprocessed dosseiers back. It lets me remain hopeful, but I am so affraid to let that hope grow because I am so afraid of finding out bad news. I read on one of the list serves that Kaz also wants to limit the program to couples under 45. This would be a definative end to our journey and I just don't know if I can take it.

The other thing I read this morning that set me off was a French woman saying that they knew last week. If my profession is working with Kazakh adoption, don't you think that you would be watching for information about Hauge compliance like a hawk. If France found out last week that the cut off date was May 26th there, why were agencies here not on high alert. Also, why was France given three weeks to prepare for a shut down while we were given less that 24 hours.

My nerves on edge. I am Ok with all this stress for a happy ending, I just pray with all my might that the end is happy.

In Pergatory

I found out from our agency that the dossier was delived by Fed Ex and signed for. Now we just wait to see if they will process it or not. Our case worker informed me that it will be a few days before we know anything. Until then I keep begging the Universe that it goes through.

Tomorrow is A BIG day

After a melt down, roller coaster ride on Friday, we have spent our weekend in limbo. From the previous post you can tell that while innocently checking my e-mail I saw the update from Rainbow Kids about Kazakhstan putting their program on hold "indefinitely." First off, I can think of very few instances where I have liked words like this being used. The vagueness is too much for my scientific brain. There are so many things just F'd up about the whole thing. For one it is messed up that my dossier was in route on Friday. A few days warning could have prevented the whole thing. The other thing that ticks me off is that I did not find out from my agency. I liken it to a nurse who did the lab work to see if you were still pregnant posting on face book that you had a misscarge. Tacky it to nondescript of a word.

On Friday at 3:05 PM I finally spoke to my case worker after calling every extension at both offices and e-mailing several times. She basically said it will be there on the 15th and the Absasodor might take it and he might send it back. I should find out on Monday when business hours start in CA. Until then I will cling to a tiny thread of hope.

As an adoptive parents we seem to face road blocks around every corner, yet I have not met anyone who thinks that leaving kids in an orphanage without a family is a good idea. Yet, the road blocks just keep going up. What kills me is that while I have diligently pushed each of the 31 required documents through bureaucratic hurdles (some of the multiple times) I did it one day too slow. Our paperwork sat at our agency and rotted for almost 6 months to be 1/2 day too slow.

What I fear is the amount of new and different paperwork. What the general public and many officials don't know is that each paper can take months to get. Some papers in the pile cost thousands of dollars and go through 3 different government agencies. Part of me is emotionally drained and another part of me wants to shake someone. Unfortunately I don't even know who to go to. I look back and so many people on this journey took a few days here and a few days there. I was told to relax, to not push.

My father has always told me that when you are stressed out you should ask your self "will this matter in five years from now." The answer to this question for me is HELL YES. If knowing that children suffer unnecessarily in an or phage while families are working day in and day out to bring them home, does not anger you, does not keep you up at night, then there is something seriously wrong with our world's priorities.

I "know" from our adoption with Emerson that things will unfold the way the universe has intended them. Yet that provides me little comfort that my child is alive right now, in an institution with out a family. Here is to good news tomorrow.

My heart is broken I hate this roller coaster

Adoption agencies throughout the USA were notified late yesterday of impending changes in Kazakhstan due to the Hague convention.
The exact wording of the notification, issued by Consul General Raushan Yesbulatova's office, is as follows:

"According to the information, which was received from the Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Kazakhstan, the Consulate General of the Republic of Kazakhstan in New York would like to inform, that effective May 15th we temporarily will not accept any adoption dossiers from the adoption agencies, due to Kazakhstan joining the Hague convention."

We have no further news to report, and will keep our readers updated. One notified agency was able to confirm that dossiers currently registered with the consulate will continue through the process. We will keep our readers updated as we learn more.

There is some tiny possibility that it will go tonight. But I have very little faith.

Friday to the Emabassy

Great news has finaly come. I got an e-mail from our case worker yesterday that she needed me to call her ASAP. In the adoption world this is always an agonizing message to get because it can mean so many things. I also have an ambisious imagination so that makes the time between e-mail and phone call.

She tells me that it looks like our dossier will travel to the Embassy on Friday. She also states that it would probably be a good idea to do an updated finacial report and employment letter for John. When we originaly did our paperwork John had just started the buisness so his income was only from the inception of the buisnees August to December. Not to mention that our buisness is a gardening buisness so this was a slow time.

No biggie, sure I can get you new forms. That seems simple. Well here is what it takes to make that happen.
1. Call our accountat and plead for a quick letter (like I need it tomorrow morning noterized:)
2. Update all finacial records to e-mail the accountant so he can write the letter.
3. Redo finacial report for dossier.
4. Go to the bank (both of us) to noterized the finacial documents
5. Get home after a long day of work to find out that John did not pick up the letter from the accountant.
6. Drive an hour round trip through rush hour to get the letter.
7. Scan in documents so that they can start being translated.
8. Call in a favor to the secretary of state (AL) and beg for a qucik apostile turn around.
9. Go to Fed Ex and get it in at 6:25 before the 6:30pm pick up to over night the package to Montgomery. Include an envelope to get the documents overnighted strait from the capitol to CA for it to be bound into the dossier.
10. Obsess for a couple of days over Fed Ex tracking numbers and hope everything gets there by Friday.
11. Hope we don't loose our place in line.
12. Wonder why this could not have been requested last week so that my heart would not feel like it was going to explode.

I always say that in the adoption world, if paperwork is easy, you have done something wrong. So my gut tells me everthing is working out the way it is supposed to. Hopefuly I will soon be able to say our documents are at the Embassy.

It is May, can we go to the Embassy now?

For the last few months we have been told emphaticaly that our paperwork that has been gathering dust will finaly move on to the next step. The next step is to go to the Embassy in Washington DC. This is a huge step, sort of like getting to see the heart beat on an ultra sound. Most people however do not have to wait for 6 months. So yesterday I e-mail our caseworker and she informs me, that it should still go to the Embassy in May but not until the end of the month. Come on! Seriously!

With that said, I did what every good adoptive parent does. I went to my local jail to be fingerprinted again. I mean isn't that how you put your family together:) Hopefuly John will get his prints done today and then we can get them to the FBI. I really hope it is all for nothing. Our other prints expire on June 8th I hope that our paperwork is through the Embassy by then. But the way things work with adoption I better have 10 different contigency plans.