Dear Readers,
I feel as though once again I should start my post with an apology. It has been too long again, and I would love to say it is because I am so busy. It is true I am busy, but there are other adoptive parents who are way busier and keep their blog up on a more regular basis. I will say, that I have a no scream policy at home, which does not help. When Isaac came home we diched the TV, and the computer at home is for me to look up recipies or put music on for the family. I think it is my guilt of working so many hours. Regardless of all my exuses of why I have been a bad blogger I am here... for today.
Let me start first with a progress report. I need to brag on Isaac and the power of family. If you have followed this blog since his adoption you will know that he was a bit of a mess when he got to us. He was on intense psycotrophic drugs, very under weight, could barely hear, did not have many words he could speak, he could not walk on uneven surfaces, he would hit, throw things and arch his back when hugged. He would wake up with night terrors or refuse to go to sleep at all.
We have come a long way since them. Isaac now talks up a storm (it is stil hard to understand him at times), he gives great hugs and even spontaniously will tell me he loves me. He is now on the charts and even 25th % for height and weight. He gladly will set the entire table for a meal (granted he does this becaue he has learned it means we eat sooner and the boy loves to eat.) He goes to sleep well and knows what to expect with his night time routine. He will often come out of his room in the morning dressed apropriately for the day, and he is great about cleaning up his room without me asking. The biggest news we recived in regards to his progress is his intelectual development. Isaac was labeled as developmentaly delayed. In the adoption world we know this term well, but there is always some worry that comes with it. We know as adoptive parents that our kids will be delayed, and we hope that with life experiences with family love our child will catch up. There is always the worry that there is something else causing these delays and that your child just might not catch up to their peers. This is the information we got from the school at his IEP meeting. When we took Isaac for his developmental screaning in August he was testing at a 26 month old level for a 3.5 year old. The great news is that last month he tested at a 4 year old level for a 4 year old. The folks at the international clinic were amazed. They said they have never seen a kid come from so far behind, to on target so quickly.
The one area we are still really struggling with is emotional age. Isaac, with me, reverts back to baby land regularly. I mean crawling on the floor, grunting and pointing, drooling, baby behavior... I will be honest, this is madening to me. I totaly get why he is doing it, I logicaly know he needs a mother (me) to make up for years of neglect. The difficulty is that he wants it but has no idea how to appropritely get motherly attention. When we go to cuddle he often pulls away, then 2 seconds later demands that I hold him. When he does not get his way, he reacts like an 18 month old. He hits, screams, pouts. I keep reminding myself that this imaturity will not always be so obvious. Yes, it is drastic to have a 4 year old acting like a 2 year old. Now a 40 year old acting like a 38 year old is not that big of a deal.
What about a 40 year old acting like a 2YO? Just kidding. I wonder if some of the behavior is attachment related. I'm not saying that you are not attaching but I noted that even with our son (who came home at 12 mos old after we spent 2 mos with him in Kaz) took at least a year to develop that deep deep bond between parent and child. And Isaac has had a more challenging history so perhaps needs more time to truly develop that deep trusting bond that will allow him to move on emotionally. Just a thought. I am thoroughly impressed at how far Isaac has come and how he seems to fit right in to your family. A real testament to his loving and conscientious parents and proof that it was meant to be!
ReplyDeleteHi, I just came across your blog through the Stones (TX) blog. We adopted our son from Almaty at the age of almost 4 summer of 2009. I wanted to mention something I do to help him when he acts like a baby. I know when I mention this you will think it's weird because I thought so too when I read it in an adoption book. I would give him a bottle and still do on occasion when he melts down and cries like a baby. I think it's helped because he may have missed out on nurturing as a baby or went hungry. It really has helped us to bond and the sucking releases soothing hormones. If it's something you might consider, email me at mom2okayo(at)yahoo.com and I can offer suggestions. Here is my blog too, but I don't blog as much as I used to: www.travelintexans.blogspot.com. There is much I can't put on the blog because it's public.
ReplyDeleteOne book that has helped us tremendously is the one by Heather Forbes, Beyond Consequences Logic and Control. I even went to 2 of her free seminars (dragged the hubby to the 2nd one)...changed my life! Adopting a child from a hard place is challenging but oh, so rewarding!