Today is the big day

Yesterday's trial run went beautifully, yet I acknowledge that this all must be very surreal for Isaac. When we returned to "his" house yesterday we were greeted with three trash bags of things on the walk that looked like they might be his things, we were later told it was "trash" but that they were getting rid of anything that reminded them of him. Then on the other hand he skipped up to the door in excitement. My heart did not know what to make of the situation. It is wonderful developmentally that he associates home as a good place and that he was overjoyed to see his other mother. At the same time it sparked a sense of rage in me that these people have violated that innocence of trust. I worry that when Isaac realizes what has happened if some of that innocence will be robbed from him? Will he look at us as the ones who took him away from the familiar? How do you explain to a three year old all the intricacies of poor choices and unrealistic expectations of adults?

Yesterday I just kept telling him that we were his forever family, and that meant that we would love him forever, no matter what. He looks at us with those huge black eyes, not with trust yet, but with curiosity and a question. This is good from an attachment perspective, yet it is so unfair to him that he is in the situation of having to do such work at such a young age.

At "his" house we packed his new red suitcase with all of his clothes for the next week. It was a bazaar assortment on winter and summer things, but hey they are familiar to him. We left him there for his last night with a promise to be back tomorrow (now today) after lunch.

The original plan was that he would come to the hotel and stay with us tonight and then on Friday afternoon we would take him back there to say his final goodbyes. On the ride home though John and I both felt that would not be the best thing for Isaac to return there for 30min only to leave again. We felt it would be more appropriate for the family to meet us at the hotel or a neutral place. We called the social worker to propose this idea and she talked to them about it. Their initial response was NO. It had to be at their place. This saddened us because once again, the "adults" were making decisions based on what was easiest for them, not the child. John and I talked about it and we recognized that due to Isaac's age the goodbye was really for the other family, and we were only being asked to do it one time. We could concede but we were not happy about it to say the least because we felt it would actually be a step back for Isaac. Fortunately they called the social worker back and agreed to meet us at the hotel to say their final goodbyes.

Who knows how today will go. It is a very different gotcha day then I envisioned for the last three years, and it is exactly what it is supposed to be. It is the start of something beautiful, something hard, something worthwhile something that will be in our lives and hearts forever. We love you little Isaac, thank you for coming into our lives. We will do everything we can to help you grow, thrive, love and be loved.