I can still remember the conversation John and I had on August 29, 2006 when we decided to adopt. We had decided to live life that summer not thinking about how our family would be created after two heart breaking years of failure. That night (or morning) John came home after working on a wild fire in the mountains behind our house in Eastern Oregon. John worked for the BLM at that time and a wildfire crew had gotten lost at night at the same time that the fire blew up and began to surround the crew. John was asked to navigate the roads because he knew them better than the big wigs. He spent the night driving through the wilderness with two men who we don't even know their names. What happened though is that they shared with John that they had adopted their whole families. Somehow that night, those two men, coupled with rescuing a whole crew of fire fighters lit something in John. He came home knowing that we could be loving adoptive parents. (I had come to this conclusion earlier, but we agreed that we had to both be %100 in agreement before moving forward.)
Now what... We spent almost two months knowing that we wanted to adopt, but which way was the huge question. At first we assumed we would adopt domestically, but quickly we realized that was not a path we felt comfortable with. I was not at a stage in my life where we could have our hearts put on the line over and over again at the risk of a birth mother changing her mind. I also knew that the foster-adoption program in Oregon had some serious flaws that we were very uncomfortable with.
With all that said, I find it ironic that we are now in a strange hybrid international/domestic adoption of Isaac. Here are my observations about the similarities and differences between Emerson and Isaac's adoptions.
Similarities:
1. Both times we stayed in hotels/apartments that are very small, but support very close quarters for family bonding.
2. There are about as many people who speak English in our hotel here as there were in Kaz. Unfortunately they don't speak Russian so I am less of a conversationalist here then there.
3. Adoption paperwork is a pain in the butt regardless of where you do it and what language it is in.
Differences:
1. We don't have lots of friends going through the process with us. When we were in Kaz we knew other adoptive families and we supported each other through the process.
2. Texas is not nearly as culturally engaging as Kazakhstan.
3. It is a whole lot easier to drive to Texas rather than fly to Kaz.
4. We do not have to deal with USCIS
5. We do not have to deal with airlines and travel agents.
6. It only took 6 days to get custody of Isaac rather than months.
Yes we are still dealing with AL's DHR requesting all sorts of random paperwork. Tomorrow hopefully my Senator can get them to stop adding to the list every time we give them another piece of paperwork.
Yesterday I had the absolute joy of having Isaac fall asleep in my lap. There is something special about a child trusting one enough to do this. Does this mean he loves me, or knows that I am his forever Mom, probably not. What it does mean is that he trust me. In the adoption world, this is a necessary first step. This little boy has had a life of adults letting him down. He is sweet, loving, adorable, playful and all of the wonderful things a three year old should be. I am honored to be trusted and I look forward to the day that "Mommy" and "Daddy" won't just be our names to him. I know that it will take a long time. I know that there will be real grief that will surface for him, and that he will have days or even weeks when he will push away to see if we will stick with him. But for two night now he has not asked to put his shoes on at bed time so that he could go "home."
As the adoptive parents of a toddler I acknowledge it will be months if not longer before Isaac knows we are his family forever and what that even means. In the mean time it is our job to teach him what Mom's, Dad's and Brother's are. It is his job to believe in us. Tonight as I put him to bed I thanked him for allowing us to be his parents and I promised him as I do every night that we will always love him no matter what happens.
Oh how I envy your 6 days to custody right about now! We actually have been approved for a domestic adoption for 1.5 years now but were never seriously matched (we were told of a few situations which "filled" with eager PAPs before we could take 48 hours to even consider them). We were also turned off by the need to "market" yourself and the potential heartache but thought that perhaps fate would intervene and we'd be matched - even with a toddler. So I guess our destiny was to return to Kaz in spite of the major roadblocks we encountered - and are still encountering (just heard that it will now be at least 8 weeks before we can return for our daughter which I am just sick over). I am sorry that AL is giving you the run around. It does seem that the TN situations are making people extra cautious but still. Enjoy your bonding time now anyway as real life will catch up to you soon enough. We still miss our days in Kaz!
ReplyDeletep.s. not long after returning with Miras, I had a work trip where I was driving with two others in a car all week. After getting to know one another, I found out that all of their kids were adopted too - one family from China and one domestically. Small world!
what a beautiful post, karon - hopefully the paperwork will clear soon, and for now, so glad you all have this precious time - it's like your own little toddler-moon!
ReplyDeleteYou & John will be & are amazing parents, we hope your Senator can put a stop to the nonsense so things can move along like it should be. It has to be hard to be so *close* to home & not be able to actually GO. We think so much of you & John, it's inspiring to see the determination & love you have for your boys. We have gone through(I think Thad talked to John about it) many behaviors with Jabari & it's amazing what diet can do VS putting him on meds. Many would have put him on Med's, he was off the wall & if he gets a no-no food he will have a hard time dealing with life. It makes me sick to know they put such a little guy on so many meds.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful day!
Wonderful post. Isaac is one lucky little boy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. Thank you Karon.
ReplyDeleteKaron and John, You guys are so wise it really blows me away. I have been following each day's entry and get very impatient if when the first time I look, it's not there yet! Thank you for letting me follow along every step of the way. I honest think that when all this is over, you should put your blog entries together and find a publisher. What you have to say is incredibly insightful. I know that this will be a long haul, obtaining Isaac's trust, but he is better off already with you guys as his parents than in his prior home. I get boiling mad when I think about how they treated him. At least they understand finally that it was best to give him up and preserve the possibility of a happy future for him.
ReplyDeleteLove from your Oregon cousin, Ruth
Wow, so I FINALLY caught up on all your news. I am so, so happy for all of you. You are just the perfect family for this Isaac. It makes me so happy that you have all found your way to each other. I agree with the other comments, your posts are SO insightful and heart-warming. Take care, enjoy the family time, and hopefully the paperwork comes through soon!
ReplyDelete