I have rights too. Don't I??

What a day it has been. I wish I could say it was some romantic home coming where I felt like my long awaited family was at home at last. It would be disingenuous though to pretend that this is what happens with a 3 year old is on home/ "family" number four.

The car ride today was as good as one can expect for traveling with two, three year olds and John having to drive on the freeway. (for those who don't know John, he prefers dirt roads and freeways are a from of driving Hell for him.) We made it home around 3PM and we took the time to show Isaac around the house. Emerson was so excited to show Isaac his new room, and Isaac was excited about it as well. Thanks to my sister most of Isaac's things were already there. My Mom had also gotten him cute cars sheets and a couple fun painting for the walls.

Then it came time for what is always a grueling task after a big road trip, we started up packing. I asked the boys to go play in the living room so that we could unpack. I still had to get groceries as our refrigerator was totally empty. About every two minutes there was a shout of "Mommy I need you." I finally stated "Mommy is not available at the minute, try back later."

After two hours of running around, trying to unpack, keep the boys from destroying the house, jumping in to teach the boys up front about how to set boundaries, numerous melt downs over grabbed toys and potty breaks, I wished that someone would stick me in a time out so I could have some peace.

No such luck, because now there was hunger in the mix. So what do I do in my logic void state of mind. I head out the door, hungry, with two three year olds, that are hungry, to the grocery store. BY MYSELF. On the way there Emerson is sobbing because he is upset the library is closed, and Isaac is asking to go back home despite his desire to go to the store mere minutes ago. When we get to the store I am all excited to put them side by side in the fun race car carts. Too bad there were none to be found so I had to wait. Then they proceeded to push, hit and finally lick each other thougout the isles. By the time I got to the beer and cheese I was that mom. The one who has the look like she might crack, but at the same time seems completely oblivious to the outside world.

After getting in the car, John calls and suggest I just go get a pizza because it would be too late to eat by the time we made anything. Has he ordered this magical pizza, NO. So now I have to get the both out of the car, order the pizza and keep the two of them entertained while waiting. Meanwhile I am dreaming of how comfortable the benches at the restaurant look and that maybe I could just wrap up in a table cloth and go to sleep.

So home I rush with the Pizza, we inhale it, then the groceries get put away, now I am going to tackle bed time in a sweet and loving way, because I am the Mom and I am the adult here. Isaac brushes his teeth, goes potty and I start to run the bath. OHH this was not a good idea in Isaac's mind. I got my first site at an Isaac fit. He started sobbing and went boneless. I turned the water off took him to a different room and had the parent talk with him. "Because I am your Mom, I need to help you stay clean and healthy. Part of that is giving you a bath. I love you very much and you are going to be clean before you go to bed...." We compromised with a sponge bath and I now know that we will have to ease into fun bath time with toys.

Then there was bed time. I took Isaac in his room, read him some stories like I have been doing, and kissed him good night. Two minutes later he was sobbing. So, back to the rocking chair we go, with lots of cuddles, more stories and lullabies until his eyes grew heavy. Shurly I am done. Nope it is Emerson's turn for the bed time routine.

This brings me to the post title. John and I have a huge task ahead of us. It is easy to think that because Isaac is three and not a newborn that we don't have that much work to do to adjust to this new way of life. We have a lot. Isaac had a rough night tonight and I am sure it is the first of many. Justifiably so! He has a right to wonder if I am doing the "right" thing by giving him a bath. Not all of the so called "mommies and daddies" in his life knew that in their job description that the easy thing was not always the right thing. Heck, I am even giving him medicine right now and I KNOW it is wrong. (Granted I can't stop it abruptly because that could kill him and I am weeing him off.) We are going to have to go slow with things like baths or potty training. I will have to spend a lot of time with him at bed time to help correct some damaging habits of harmful self soothing techniques he learned from his time in the orphanage. He is going to have to learn that we will always feed him and that we will not take his food away. And also that I am not going to let him shove a whole banana in his mouth at once.

So how do we do all of this, and still be worthwhile people at the end of the day. We have two very amazing boys, that had rough beginnings at no fault of their own. The need us desperately, yet there is only so much one can give before they run out of steam. I am finding myself looking forward to a trip to the bathroom so I can lock the door for a mere moment of "me" time. John and I figured out how to get an hour a day at the hotel of personal time. Now we will have to learn how to do that at home as well. I am finding my self setting up boundaries that I never did when it was just Emerson. I am asking the boys to go play, or look at a book, or try to fix it themselves. I know in the long run this is good for them. At the same time, I know they both need me so much right now.

It is going to be a steep learning curve. I am sure happy that I have so many great resources out there.