12 stupid things I'm smarter at because I am older

The other day I was reading a great article shared by a virtual friend and another Kazak mom.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-james-martin-sj/12-really-stupid-things-to-never-do-again_b_1174709.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

If you don't have time to read the whole thing, the point of the article was that as we grow older we realize certain things about the world and who we are that usually comes with time and perspective. Here is how I internalized this article to our lives and how life is smartening me up, weather I like it or not.

1. Compare: When you adopt two special needs children one can forget about reading the "what to expect" books or looking at growth charts, or even looking for commonalities on the play ground. My kids are who they are, and if I want a comparison, I need to look at each of us, and our personal growth. I am glad, looking back that I can't find many families like ours to even compare to, it is just a game I don't care to play. I will however confess that I do not have the same restraint when it comes to my garden. I will fawn with jealousy over seedlings that are bigger or gardens that magically dispel evil aphids. But, fortunately for my kids, I don't care if they aren't where everyone elses kids are, or that we don't have as much or do as many activities as the Joneses. Quite frankly I have learned by now, where their is a will their is a way, and if I really wanted what they have I could go and get it. I don't want that despite what the media tries to tell me.

2. "Should" on yourself: This was big for me in my 20's. I think it was because there were so many possible roads I could take. So, I just took a lot during that decade and had a blast. I learned a ton, and got to do many amazing things. Fortunately for me I got to try out things like being a paleontologist, a park ranger for Yellowstone, direct outdoor science field schools, and travel. Fortunately it gave me the perspective that the grass is greener where you water it, and that every place, job ect. has its joys and issues.

3. Get people to like you: There is a great Utah Philips quote where he is talking about recently being diagnosed with a heart condition so he said "I am going on a low social diet. No more fat heads. My heart can't handle them." This too took me a while. Now that I am the busy mom of two, I could really care less if people want to spend time with me. Heck, I don't have much of it to spare, so you have got to have me as I am, I just don't have the energy to put on a show. Fortunately for me, there are a few people out there that get me and still like me. That is all I really need.

4. Interrupt: My husband, I am sure, would love to write this section. He says that I still need some ageing in this aspect, and well, he is correct. I have to be very conscious about this. I am kind of a cut to the chase conversationalist. This is usually due to the fact that I have two little boys interjecting every 30 seconds, and I need the quick and dirty version of the story.

5. Worry about how you look: This is why I moved out West. Now that I am back in Alabama this beast comes out of the closet more often (literally and metaphorically.) We recently went to San Fransisco and flew through Salt Lake City on the way. While there I noticed how normal people looked in San Fran, and Salt Lake. They were real, mostly unaltered and wearing functional clothing. I loved it, I felt normal too. Not so much in my daily like in the South. Oh well, I do my best to not be offensively real, but I'm not in the beauty queen league, and quite frankly my friends, family and students don't seem to think much less of me.

6. Work Constantly: I can remember my last job I sold my soul to. It sucked. I gave my heart and soul and all I got was really tired and less effective. The best advice I got during my student teaching was from a veteran teacher of 30 years. He told me after the first day of working with him in his classroom to watch how he left the building. I watched as he grabbed his lunch pail (yes you heard me right) and his keys and left. He said "If you want to love teaching your entire career, leave work at work, and home at home." To this day I do that. Mind you I get to work at 6 am to get everything done in the mornings so that my afternoons are clear to be with my boys, but I do not ever bring papers home. Never again though will I be married to my work, it is just not as cute as my three boys.

7. Fail to give people a break: John is much better at this than me. Most people find this interesting as John can be known as an opinionated hot head. But, he also has worked his fair share of "means to an end" jobs. He has been that guy behind the counter, so he gets it. He also went on a Mormon mission, so he can talk to a rock and make it feel loved and accepted. I have not had such training but I have been the recipient of such kindness. The other day I took Isaac to his post op appointment at Children's Hospital. "Give people a Break" must be their customer service rallying cry. The whole entire staff gets it that people are not a Children's Hospital for fun, they are there because their child needs the specialized services that they provide. Everyone from the guy pushing the mop, to the surgeon, to the audiologist, the the lady passing out wagons for the kids to ride in gets that if you are there, what you most desperately need is a break. You need a smile, a sense of humor, to be walked to the elevator or the clinic not just pointed half heartily. A person being human makes all the difference in the world.

8. Complain about minor illnesses: For those of you who know me well, you might know that I suffer from chronic pain. What I have learned, is that most people don't get it, so don't bother saying much because they don't know what to do, and when they try to do something it is just plain weird. Now are their times when people have needed to know, sure, but besides that I have just learned to do things differently and to smile and nod when others complain about the small stuff. Realistically pain and suffering are a relative experience. I find that when someone is complaining it is more because they need to know someone cares.

9. Be a Jerk: I am getting better about this with acquaintances, but not so much with my nearest and dearest, John can't wait for me to be even older, because he is convinced that by then I will be too tired to "be a jerk." I am not sure about this because he is older than me and he still does not have this in check. Now I do see my father at 84 seems to have this down, so there is hope.

10. Do the Right thing: This has been one of the greatest gifts of age and experience. When you have seen true suffering, poverty, the consequences of discrimination, starvation, poor drinking water systems and know first hand the conditions of orphans around the world. Once you know this first hand, it is impossible to stay silent. I cannot put my boys to bed each night with out remembering that there are millions of children around the world not getting a good night kiss, a bed, or a promise of food and love the next day. It could so easily be them. It is wrong! I am one person but I will continue to be the humming bird working on the forest fire one drop at a time.

11. Make Fun of People: This I am much better at now that I am older. I don't really care if people like me and talk about me, but I am not up for listening to people bashing and I call people on it. Most people know that about me and therefor don't talk to me at all, or watch themselves around me. Oh well, better to be invisible than to be a dumping ground for bad energy.

12. Be hard on yourself: My good friend Martha and I had a great talk the other day about having a vision and a goal. If you don't have it, you won't get it. This world has some tough stuff, and just like the Onceler said in the Lorax "Now that you are here the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it is not going to get better it's not."

So with all that said, I wish 2011 a good by. It has been a year of growth in so many ways. I am excited to apply so many of the new things we have learned as a family to the world. We have never been the people that look for the easy road. There are too many people on that road, and quite frankly I am not a fan of crowds. We have been given talents, patience, two amazing boys to parent, friends, good soil, curiosity, enough money, family and the sense of adventure.

I am sure life will throw some interesting things our way in 2012, and well, I just hope we can rise to the challenge and do the right thing. What ever that is...