Where to Go Now?

So as you can tell from recent post, there is a bit of turmoil in our lives right now.  One of the things I say and feel often is how regretful I am that we did not get to our children sooner.  They fell victim to a flawed system of institution and humanity.  They have both physical and emotional scars as a result of neglect, abuse, starvation, medical ailments, malnourishment, lack of stimulation and lack of human contact and love for their first years and months. 

One thing I know is that I can't wine about the past if I am not willing to take charge of their future.  Currently they are in a situation that is triggering a lot of "stuff" for them.  Emerson wakes up in the morning screaming for me.  Screaming at the top of his lungs "Mama where are you, are you still here, don't leave me don't die today"  Over and over again.  He comes home so overstimulated that the slightest noise makes him jump in fear or he sits in the corner covering his ears because he "just can't take it anymore."  Isaac is having 1-2 hour night terrors at least three nights a week.  He is back to no eye contact with me, sneaking and hording food and gorging at dinner. 

I naively thought that if we could just tweak or adapt a few things in their current situation that they would "fit in" or be "similar enough" and just make it.  My motherly instinct though is screaming from the mountain top at me though and saying that my children are suffering and I must step up. 

So now what?  Here are the options we have.  Some good, some bad and lots complicated.  I need to write them out so I can see them, and yes, dear readers, I would love your opinion, especially if you are going through something similar. 

Option 1:  Keep doing the same. 
Pros:  Very convenient for me and John.  They ride the bus, John gets lots more time to do his business, it is financially beneficial, our children are familiar with it, even if they are struggling emotionally.  We had an extremely positive outcome at the same place with Early Intervention preschool for years. 

Cons:  It does not match their current needs, it feels too institutional given their background with institutions, we have little to no control with what goes on when they are away, our core values are not in line with their daily experience, there is no nap time (just rest time) and they don't seem ready to drop that yet.

Option 2:A different local public school
Pros:  It is very close to our house, the boys could ride the bus, the opportunity for them to make friends that live near us, John can keep up the flexibility in his work schedule, financially good for us, the income bracket is closer to ours at this school.

Cons:  The overall public school institution feeling would still be present, many of the same instructional techniques we are currently struggling with will still be used, still does not line up with our core values.  Same song with a different dance. 

Option 3:  Redmont Waldorf School
Pros;  Extremely aligned with our families values, very sensitive environment that would be very gentle on our boys souls and senses.  A pragmatic curriculum that is very in tune with the physiology of how the body and brain works setting the boys up for success.  We would be part of a community of like minded people.  Our boys would be instructed in an environment that we could trust (not to say with can't with the others, but it would be much easier.) 

Cons:  I have no idea how we would pay for it.  John would have to work a tremendous amount more to even possibly make the payments.  John would have to drive 1 hour in the morning, and in the afternoon to pick them up, thus drastically increasing our fuel bill and decreasing his work time. 

Option 4:  Red Mountain Community School
Pros:  In line with our values and our educational philosophy.  A healthy learning environment.  Individualized education for all students.  Small school. 

Cons:  I have no idea about cost, but doubt we can squeeze enough money out of our budget.  John would still be driving two hours a day to get them to and from school.  I am not sure it is structured enough for Emerson. 

Option 5:  Homeschooling with the Waldorf Philosophy and/or Charlotte Mason Tradition(s)
Pros:  Reduce fuel cost and transportation cost.  Reduce stress from transitions, and over stimulation.  Give our boys more time to become confident members of a family and more secure in their values before they are tested and questioned by others.  Provide our boys with 2 on 2 education that is tailored to their emotional, physical and intellectual needs.  Get to know a community of people we don't already know through field trips and home school gatherings.  We will have the time to take Emerson to necessary OT appointments downtown. 

Cons:  This will add a lot of work for both me and John.  I will need to plan out their weeks (granted I know how to do a curriculum map and pacing guide).  The business will suffer because John will have to do all of his work in the afternoons or weekends.  We question whether our boys or John will be disciplined enough to get the learning done in a consistent way.  They will not have peers to learn from (this can be good or bad.)  I am not sure how we would get Isaac his speech therapy.  Cost of materials. 

So this is the crossroads where we are standing now.  All choices have good and bad, but such is life.  We just need to figure out what is best for now, for this year, and take it one step at a time.