Baby Steps Forward

I don't like that these first few weeks of school have been awkward and uncomfortable.  I am a teacher and an adamant proponent of public education, yet to see my boys struggle, I have turned to raging mush (if that is even possible.)  Maybe I have felt so intense these last few weeks because I really expected it to all go well.  Maybe it was because I was so focused on my classroom and my new position where I teach.  Non the less, the start of kindergarten did not go at all like I had envisioned it, and my reaction as a parent did not go well either. 

Fortunately, I am learning a lot, and things seem to ever so slowly be moving in the right direction.  For example, Isaac's lunch box is coming home with food in it, so I know he is not having to throw it away.  Granted, stuff is coming back because he is not eating fast enough, but that is an issue we can teach him about and a goal to improve on his eating time.  The other big improvement is that while one child's class used pink marshmallows for math, Isaac's class mixed red and white paint to make pink.  The great thing was that he could tell me all about the activity, recreate it, and he did not have a night terror last night. 

Yes, Emerson is having major come apart at night from over stimulation.  Once again, this is a workable goal.  Isaac is still getting strikes for "spacing out."  I know, from being taught, that this is his way of disassociating.  Now the next step is to educate those who work with Isaac about what is going on so that he (and they) can recognize when he is triggered and work to minimize these incidences. 

I have also gotten loads of wonderful support and advice from other parents who have been down this road.  Friday the whole team and I will sit down for an IEP meeting.  My goals are as follows:

1. Those who work with Isaac will know about trauma and disassociation and rage and will work to minimize triggers in the classroom so that he is able to be present with his work and learn from the lesson.
2. Those who work with Isaac will know how to safely re-engage him and/or deal with a major trauma rage.
3. Food will stop being used for Isaac as a reward or punishment, and instead he will be able to receive a small toy or sticker. 

Three is a big one for him.  Isaac was nearly starved to death by four different set of caregivers.  It was not because he was good or bad.  Sometimes it was because there was not enough food, or people to feed the kids, or because the caregivers made bad choices.  It was never because Isaac was bad.  I feel strongly that when he is told he gets food because he was good, or does not get food because he was bad at school, this sends him a very wrong message about his past. 

Here is to baby steps in the right direction.