First off, if you are not an invited reader, then you are trespassing on my support group. If you are invited it is because I value you, I relate to you, you have chosen to relate to me, to us. You know that I am real, fallible, raw, emotional (but not too emotional) and passionate. If you are dropping by to gather data to prove a point of negativity then please get off and go away.
I blog because I am a stranger in a strange land. I am not part of the majority in any shape or fashion, nor are my children. Those that qualify in the majority, can go to their houses of worship, watch their 24 hour news cycles, talk daily to similar families, and blend. Bless you, I am thrilled for you. We all deserve to be part of something bigger. My personal choices in life are not main stream. I know that will leave me alienated, but my one technological vice and sense of community is my ability to reach out to my fellow invited readers and community that live too far and wide to communicate with personally.
I blog also because I know I cannot possibly be the only one with such issues. I know they are not common, but seriously, I cannot be completely alone and if I am, then I have even more reason than ever to feel despondent.
As adoptive parents we learn quick that we must fight. People do not, regrettably, swing doors open wide for those of us who have chosen to welcome the forgotten children of the world into our families. Government officials do not eagerly sign off on important documents, our children do not run to us and thank us for "saving them." We learn a whole new lexicon of words including but not limited to: dossier, home study, IEP, PTSD, RAD, night terror, and so on and so forth. We are also a strong group with resolve. We made it through the hazing process of adoption. We called senators, congressmen, DHR, USCIS, the FBI. We squeezed paperwork out of more agencies than we ever knew existed.
We did this out of hope, to fill a place in our heart that knew someone needed to be a part of our family. We did this out of faith, trusting that the details would be nuance when it came to the living being that we needed and that needed parents. We did it because it was right, and so what, that it was hard and a PITA.
I will admit that I was naive still. I believed that once we got our kids home, we could stop fighting. We could just move forward.
Today I was proved wrong. Far too many would rather do what is planned, what is fun, what is easy, what is familiar. I don't blame them. I often find myself wishing I could undo some of my experiences, some of the lost eyes and empty souls and bellies that I have seen. I wish I could un-see the ills of the world and just enjoy gluttony, and indulgence.
I guess I too am a wounded jaded soul. They say that the care givers of PTSD kids must be careful. That trauma can be contagious. I laughed at this, I too mocked this notion. I can't blame anyone else either for laughing and if those uninvited readers are reading... I do not blame you. But now I have seen pain and a level of torture in both of my son's eyes and hearts and my soul is seared with their pain and suffering and the suffering of the other 167 Million kids waiting. As a mother I long to take it away, and I know all I can do is love them through their hurt. I can keep fighting for them, and advocating for them, and praying for all of the others who so desperately wait for their shot at life with a family.
Nope, we are not the perfect family. Yes, we can be a pain to work with or service. Yes, we can be brash and intense and adamant, and yes, we will fight and not be silenced or bullied. Please know dear world, we are not upset with you. We love you and the gifts you have given us, especially our beautiful black eyed boys. We love you enough to challenge you, to push you, to encourage you to include just more than the comfortable and the familiar. We love you enough to protect those things that are not popular to protect. We love you enough to be uncomfortable and chastised and belittled for what is right. Because we live in an awesome adaptable, resilient world that deserves to be fought for. With all greatness in each and every one of our children that deserves to be stood up for and all the wildness and rawness and depth that we have access to, we must stand up, be uncomfortable and continue to search out what is right and just for those who can't do it for themselves.
And we love you, too . . .
ReplyDeleteI take it from this that the IEP meeting today did not go as well as you/we had hoped.
ReplyDeleteYou, John, and your boys are admirable, strong, full of intelligence, determination and endurance, so intricately layered and complex, and so full of love.
May you be supported in your efforts to protect, encourage, search, and teach.
Blessings on you. I applaud you.
Thanks for sharing. Hugs~
Keep fighting for those boys, whatever it takes. As two more who, in many ways, don't fit in, we understand what it's like to swim against the current. Love you guys!
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ReplyDeleteKaron--I will always admire you for your decision to adopt these two precious little boys. When we had my brother's memorial service 8 years ago (he died of glioblastoma multiforme), this was the motto he had wanted read: Go not down the path where others have gone; instead, go where there is no path and make a trail that others can follow. That is what I see you and Jon doing. There were some markers along this trail, but all of you who adopt have to blaze your own trail along the way--and in doing so, you make that path a little easier for those behind you. I wish I could have those little guys in my classroom some day. Over the last 10 years I have had some kids who were really bruised and battered by the world, and my heart is always with those kids. I watch them until they get out of school, worrying and praying for them all along the way. Right now, I pray for teachers who will do that for your two little guys. It's no coincidence that they are yours, and I pray for the pain to be eased for you. It makes me wish I could fly there just to hug all of you. Know that there are lots of people around you that love you and Jon and the boys and are rooting for you...
ReplyDeleteWell said. Hang in there and keep fighting on behalf of your two wonderful little boys - your family. You are not alone!!
ReplyDelete(((((((HUGS))))))) to you, John and the boys! Hang in there and be strong. You are amazing parents that will do what is right for your boys. Love you! Amy and Kendall.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing your heart and your struggles. Catherine
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that things are not easy for you. But you are so doing the right thing and I really admire you for it. It is a shame that parents of special needs kids (or adopted kids or any other kid that has a non-mainstream need) have to fight so hard to get people to do the right thing that they should have done in the first place! I also admire you for "taking the high road" and leading by example - it is the loss of "mainstream" people who take the path of least resistance if they don't understand that the berries taste the sweetest at the top of the mountain.
ReplyDeleteKaron, I admire you in so much, most importantly for fighting with every last ounce of your being for your boys. I know wouldn't ever parent do that for there children? NO, sadly no, yes all parents love there children but they do NOT go the extra mile that you travel everyday, every single day... you will NOT give up and because of that your boys will be okay and will feel safe and grow up to be fine young men! I am so so sorry it has been such a tough start to kindergarden. You and your beautiful boys have been on my mind lately a lot, I think of you, I pray and I hope for peace and love.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your raw honesty and NO you are not alone at all, we are all here for you and will continue to be forever!
HUGE HUGS my friend!