Those of you who know me well in real life know that I am a sync when it comes to the "Ra Ra, put on a good smile" chearleading style of doing things. I am a realist and I like to call things as they are. Cheerleaders have always seemed fake to me. The whole notion of wildly cheering in a short skirt waving palm palms around over some sports team often times will make me think deeply about re-reading then becoming Jack in Call of the Wild.
Well today I learned something. I learned something big and out of my comfort zone. I need to be a cheerleader for Isaac. I need to plaster on that pretty smile, I need to sweetly say I love you, I need to do dances when he is happy and I need to believe that he is on the winning team no matter how lousy of a player he might be right now.
I woke up with the notion that we needed to move forward again today. We have tried the tough love, we have tried time outs until the floor seems much smoother in that one spot, I have tried screaming back at him, mimicicing behaviors, and yes I even tried a good old fashion spanking. All I got was backwards. This goes to the greatest struggle I feel that families face when they adopt a toddler. There is not true love and trust between us yet, it is too soon and under these types of circumstances it is going to be much slower. While Issac is 3.5 his emotional age is much more like an 18 month old and his needs are more that of a baby. While I don't feel he needs to regress in every way I recognize that he needs to know I love him unconditionally and he is testing that. So far he is the winner but we were all the looses.
Now on to moving forward. Today I decided I was going to love him through it all. It sounds simple, but it takes a ton of energy to Cheer for a game that last from 5:30am until 7:30 PM. Oh well, this is why we have a YMCA membership right? One thing that helped was that I only had Isaac this morning because he had to have surgery to put tubes in his ears. It was really nice to just have him. It seemed so easy after a week with the two of them. I was able to be there for him and comfort him afterwards. He had a meltdown in the parking lot and I lovingly picked him up and took him to the car. He resited being buckled in, we walked around while I held him like a baby. Today I just slowed down the pace and listened. When we got home John and Emerson were still out so we sat on the porch swing and watched the birds. When it came time to put the drops in his ears, I was playful and let him pretend to put them in my ears first. We made a tickling game of rubbing the drops in.
The only major negative attention seeking he had with me today was after his nap. I was on the phone with my sister and he kept screaming about it (he hates when we are on the phone.) The he just peed his pants to show me how he felt about it. (flash back to peeing on the floor and playing with it from yesterday.) Today I just said, "Oh O you had an accident. Let's go clean that up." We walked to the bathroom and I had him take his clothes off, put them in the bin and I gave him a warm rag to clean up with. No tears, not anger, problem solved in 5 min. 1 point Mom "You Can Do It"
The end of the day was probably the best in a long time. I decided not to go over to the new house but keep things low key. The boys decided we should have a pillow fight and they hauled all the pillows in from the whole house and for 30 min we just blasted each other, ticked and gave zerberts. The boys had a blast and I must say there is something therapeutic in lovingly whacking someone else with a soft pillow then laughing hysterically about it.
So to all of you cheerleaders out there, thanks for what you do, despite cynics like me. The world, or at least my little Isaac, needs your spirt, your willingness to chear when the team is hopelessly behind and to have a giggling pillow fight at the end of a long day.
From an ex-cheerleader and pom pon girl (reformed), I applaud the new attitude! It did sound like Isaac was trying to communicate with his unruly behavior in the only way he knew or learned how to get results. And sometimes we do need to remind ourselves of these kids' true ages. I need to do that with Miras who is suddenly needier now that his sister is here. And I remind Sne of this too when he sets his expectations too high and ends up with an unproductive power struggle and just comes out looking like the bad guy. And I share your struggle to find enough time to go around. Thank goodness that we are both taking some time off work (in spite of the occasional work trips) as we have been able to give at least snippets of quality time with each child most every day. This will end when we both go back to work and M-F is just about surviving with sanity intact until the weekend. But I do believe that kids are more bonded and willing to cooperate when they feel loved and activities are "fun" (especially at this age). So, Go Decker Team, Go!
ReplyDeleteAs another former cheerleader (and Dorian dance team member, too), I can wager a guess that you are already Isaac's biggest cheerleader simply because you can put on a smile for him and be his biggest fan, even when you're tired and frustrated on the inside! It sounds like you are doing and being exactly who you are AND who your family needs right now and recognizing that you have to find a balance between realism and positivism (not sure I'm using positivism quite right, but you get the drift). I'll second the "Go Decker Team, Go" cheer - y'all are truly an inspiration to me as a parent who is still trying to figure it all out, too, with a slightly developmentally delayed and now very stubborn almost-toddler boy! So, thank you for that, too! Hang in there and keep taking time for yourself, too...
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