Tomorrow is A BIG day

After a melt down, roller coaster ride on Friday, we have spent our weekend in limbo. From the previous post you can tell that while innocently checking my e-mail I saw the update from Rainbow Kids about Kazakhstan putting their program on hold "indefinitely." First off, I can think of very few instances where I have liked words like this being used. The vagueness is too much for my scientific brain. There are so many things just F'd up about the whole thing. For one it is messed up that my dossier was in route on Friday. A few days warning could have prevented the whole thing. The other thing that ticks me off is that I did not find out from my agency. I liken it to a nurse who did the lab work to see if you were still pregnant posting on face book that you had a misscarge. Tacky it to nondescript of a word.

On Friday at 3:05 PM I finally spoke to my case worker after calling every extension at both offices and e-mailing several times. She basically said it will be there on the 15th and the Absasodor might take it and he might send it back. I should find out on Monday when business hours start in CA. Until then I will cling to a tiny thread of hope.

As an adoptive parents we seem to face road blocks around every corner, yet I have not met anyone who thinks that leaving kids in an orphanage without a family is a good idea. Yet, the road blocks just keep going up. What kills me is that while I have diligently pushed each of the 31 required documents through bureaucratic hurdles (some of the multiple times) I did it one day too slow. Our paperwork sat at our agency and rotted for almost 6 months to be 1/2 day too slow.

What I fear is the amount of new and different paperwork. What the general public and many officials don't know is that each paper can take months to get. Some papers in the pile cost thousands of dollars and go through 3 different government agencies. Part of me is emotionally drained and another part of me wants to shake someone. Unfortunately I don't even know who to go to. I look back and so many people on this journey took a few days here and a few days there. I was told to relax, to not push.

My father has always told me that when you are stressed out you should ask your self "will this matter in five years from now." The answer to this question for me is HELL YES. If knowing that children suffer unnecessarily in an or phage while families are working day in and day out to bring them home, does not anger you, does not keep you up at night, then there is something seriously wrong with our world's priorities.

I "know" from our adoption with Emerson that things will unfold the way the universe has intended them. Yet that provides me little comfort that my child is alive right now, in an institution with out a family. Here is to good news tomorrow.