Power of Words

I am finding my self on a role with posting. Maybe it is what happens after one experience extreme sleep deprivation then gets a couple of nights of sleep. It is almost like I kick started my brain in high gear by giving it a new start.

Anyway on to why I have decided to write this post. The other day I was at a meeting in which we were discussing how individuals are lousy self evaluators. That we all think we are wonderful or that we have done things correctly. It was then implied that our role as teachers was to somehow encourage our students to become more diligent self evaluators to bring them to reality so that we could inspire them to make a change (presumably for the better).

Maybe because I was raised my the king of Devils Advocates, I found myself taking arms with this. I find myself to be a self evaluator to the point of depreciation. I see Isaac, who is so talented, so athletic so strong, so tidy, doubt him self at every move. I see Emerson who has 0 self evaluation skills, but also few other skills, climb mountains, do flips, swim and all sorts of other terrifying acts that he really cannot do, but he does it on will power and belief alone. If I took away this confidence (however false it may be) he would surely sink. I see the scars of other telling Isaac his limits each and every day, and I am not willing to to say that children's faults need to be clearly pointed out to them. I do however believe in the other part of our discussion. We were asked to create a "destination postcard" an initiative of where we wanted our students to get to. I believe, I have seen all to often that when we propose a challenge or or faced with a problem, there are millions of ways to solve it. Who am I to stifle the options, or to narrow the playing field by my standards. It would be a silly world if it was filled with everyone with perfect handwriting, great spelling and a tidy desk, but no composers of literature, artist who dare to invent something beyond the realist's imagination.

Sure kids and adults will have faults, things they stink at, we all do. My job is to find what they are doing wonderful and allow that to flourish.

Isaac's Comments

Yesterday I was a bit bummed that in my few moments of posting that I could not recall anything witty Isaac has said recently. He must have know this, because when I got home he gave me two great quotes.

The first was when I walked in the sun room upon returning home he was drop kicking his spider man kick board across the room. I promptly reacted by explaining that the toy was not meant to be kicked. "But Mama, it is a kick board, and I am kicking the board." Duped again by my 4 year old literalist.

The second laughable moment was when Isaac wanted to go outside and play yesterday. I told him that I needed his help picking persimmons off the tree and that he would get to go on the ladder. He was very excited about this prospect. He kept begging me to go outside. I explained that he needed to wait until I got the chicken in the oven to roast. He looks at me very seriously and says "Mama, just go outside, catch a chicken and throw it in the oven so that we can go play." 4 year olds do know how to simplify the process.

Today Isaac goes with John to his pre-op appointment at children's. He will have surgery on Nov 30 to help alleviate some of his speech issues. As demonstrated, the kid has great things to say, now we just need to help him be able to speak clearer so the whole world can enjoy his sense of humor.

Great Quotes

So this post is long overdue, but I have found myself hearing over and over again that I need to be documenting the things my boys are saying. I always find myself hesitant to come back to the blog, because I feel that I must start where I left off and that becomes so daunting that I don't even start. So in an effort to start again, I am not going back to where I left off, but instead I will share with you the hilarious things my boys have been saying: (Most of this is from Emerson as Isaac is not expressing himself as much these days)

While sleeping on the porch as a family a while back, (yes we sleep outside because it is great family bonding and how else will we prepare them for their future wilderness exploring lives.) Emerson wakes up and and explains that he just had a dream about bad guys getting ready take over the planet, "Isaac do want to come with me to help save the world?" Isaac looks at him with a bleary sleepy eye and says "No thanks, I will stay here and fold my blanket into a perfect square." This pretty much sums up my boys.

Emerson last night a dinner is talking about a girl in his class we will call her "A", he asks me to write him a note to give to here. I asked what he wanted me to write. "I love you." Ah, 5 year old romance. I then asked why, he said because she likes pretty pink flowers. This is the same girl that he told me last year that I needed to plant a raised bed filled with pink flowers for his Mimi and his girlfriend "A".

The other day we were at a friends place and Emerson saw a horse. He asked if he could ride it. "Sure" the man says. Emerson gets on bare back and starts ridding. He then ask what the horses name is. "Bucky" "What does that mean." So I explain. Emerson then leans down to the horses ear and says "Listen hear Bucky, where I come from my people eat your kind."

Father's Day

So I must say this has been a rather weird father's day. It started off well and ended well but the middle was weird. For John, I made him his yearly scrap book through shutter fly like I always do. The pictures are at http://doubledecker.shutterfly.com

I was crafty yesterday and had the boys make him cards with paint and all. For those who know me well, you know that I have no problem having 15 different science experiments going on in my room, but arts and crafts make me twitch. None the less I put on my big girl pants and had the boys make cards for John and my dad.

This morning we got up and John loved the cards and book. We then headed downtown to meet up with my mom and dad and my brother's family for breakfast. We got there at 8:00 we were seated shortly there after. The waitress borough coffee and juice right away. Unfortunately 45 min. later there was still no food. Fortunately I fed my family first breakfast, so while the boys were bonkers they were not starving.

Then the weirdness started. My mom announces that my dad is not feeling well. I look over and he is resting his head against the table and mom has a cold rag on his neck. I go over and ask him a few questions only to find out he has had a big glass of coffee and OJ this morning but no food. He is pasty and shaky. I go to the host and ask for a piece of toast. When I come back my father is no longer responsive, my mother is crying and saying "Manuel talk to me, please talk to me." John calls 911, I take Dad's pulse, it is regular but weak. I know he suffers from low blood pressure, but we can not get him in a laying position now that he is unconscious and we are in a crowded restaurant.

While this is all going on one of my nieces is crying, my boys are being reasonably good, but my brother has turned three shades of green and has become cool, clammy and shakey. I let his wife help him, only to find Dad now looking strait at me and mom but audibly snoring, his eyes rolled back in his head and now I can't find a pulse. John assures me the ambulance is on the way.

My brother is not looking good and now Mom is even more worried (mind you my mother has a torn rotater cuff that she will be having surgery on in the next few days. She is in no position to deal with all of this at the same time.) He also had a huge Starbucks coffee on an empty stomach, then had the panic surge of seeing our 84 year old father in such a state.

Dad then opens his eyes and starts to come to. He speaks but his words are all slurred, I fear a stroke. The paramedics show up, and now 1hour and 15 min. later so does our food.

Then Dad snaps out of it, he wants to eat, he wants fresh air, his blood pressure is low (this has happened before but not for 2 years)his blood sugar was low. Fortunately it was not a stroke, his heart is good. My brother is also coming back to life as he gets some food and an awkward breakfast ensues.

I am not sure how to take all of this. It was too close for me. Mind you my father has lived an amazing life, he has done what he wants to do. He swims every other day and plays golf every other day. He avidly reads, goes to classes at the local university and is an active participant in his book club. He has raised 6 kids and now has 15 grand kids. All of this said, I selfishly was terrified today of loosing him this father's day. I am sure I was not the only one and I sure hope that we can have a do over next year.

Summer fun

It has been while since I have posted but hey, better late than never right? We have an ongoing joke that we are the family that helps others feel like they really have their stuff together:) While things are crazy that does not seem stop us from doing many wonderful things and creating life long memories for our boys.

The big news in our world is that I am officially on summer break. While I love teaching with all of my heart, and I know without a doubt that being an educator is my true calling in life, I am also a mom, a mom who worked very hard to get my two boys home. This summer to me is very special because this last year I have known with every fiber of my being that Isaac needed me, and not the me one gets after a long day of work. Knowing this, and then turning it around to quality family time is a bit different. I have to admit that when I went back to school after being home with him for 6 weeks, I would say with all honesty that I was going back to work to relax before my evening shift.

This go around though has been wonderful. First off I am getting to garden again, and I love it. I feel this immense sense of purpose as I grow food for my garden. I am also able to free up John's schedule because I am home so that he can accomplish a lot more with our business, The Backyard Pantry. As far as the boys we have decided to switch our schedule to a siesta schedule and it seems to give us all some much needed time together and apart:
6:00am Karon and John are up and working in the garden while it is cool.
7:00am the boys get up and play outside while it is cool.
7:30am breakfast on the porch
8:00-9:30 the boys play around the property while John and I do outside chores or building raised beds for our clients. This usually involves the boys running around in the sprinklers as I do my morning watering.
9:30 get ready to go to the pool
10:00-12:00 Karon and the boys swim while it is in the 90's
12:30-1:30 Lunch
1:30-3:30 naps for all
3:30-4:30 Movie time if behavior has been good (mind you it is still in the high 90's so moving fast is pretty hard:)
They boys then play until we have a dusk dinner
more outside play as a family while it is cool then stories and bed time.

Both boys are loving so much time at the pool and Isaac is a great little helper in the garden. Emerson tells me almost daily how happy he is to have his new brother Isaac. Isaac is learning how to play with Emerson and becomes more sociable every day. Tomorrow I am taking them to the library program and we are going to go as a family to the water park on Thursday.

What I love right now are the litte moments that I hope will be strong memories for the boys. I love that they help me pick the vegetables we eat for dinner or that if a song we like starts playing during dinner we all get up and dance. I think it is hilarious (and slightly disturbing) that when we work the farmers market selling our raised garden beds, that Emerson will tell people: "My dad builds the best raised garden beds ever! You should get one and then I can come to your house and watch movies while he puts it in. OK"

There are other times when I look at the boys and I am so thankful that we all found each other. I don't think of us as their saviors, yet I do find myself so thankful that they escaped the system. Kazakhstan is closed now and that means that there are many kids piling up in the orphanages. When or if it reopens, I worry that families will only want the little girls and the toddler and preschool boys will be left behind. I think of Isaac, a little boy trying to get adopted from China where most people expect to adopt a girl. At Kazapalooza I found myself so thankful for each and every child I saw with each family that opened their hearts, minds and homes to a different way of making a family.

Kazapalooza

It is hard to believe it is almost time for Kazapalooza again. Every year we always wonder how we will make it work, we figure out what we are willing to go without so that we can go, and every year it is very worth it. There is something amazing about being around those with a shared collective experience that few people in our day to day life have. We are all so vastly different in terms of careers, religion, reason for adopting, financial stability, where we live, what our experience was like in adoption, but we all have one huge thing in common. We persevered through mountains of paperwork and red tape, because some part of our inner being drove us to go to one more USCIS appointment, to redo that form again, and to be fingerprinted by every possible agency just to prove we were not in fact criminals. We have all done something that was not easy, or normal, but what we as families knew to be the right path for us. Few of us have had flawless journeys, but that is what makes our families rich and helps (hopeful) our children know how much they were really wanted in this world.

Kazapalooza is only one weekend a year, but it also gives us the community (even if it is virtual for 362 days a year) to be a part of and lean on.

John and I are the ones this time wishing we could go ahead and pack our bags. Emerson was kind enough to remind me that there were still 10 more days until we leave. Isaac does not know about this event yet. I am trying to really prepare him for a vacation. It is still a little freaky for him to do things out of the routine. The last two big times he met a lot of strangers in a hotel, he lost what was his family or home life. I keep reassuring him that we are going as a family and we will come home as a family.

Our plan is to go to KP then up to Port St. Joe on the way back and enjoy a few days there before enjoying the summer with the boys and working on the buisness (The Backyard Pantry.)

Big Progress

Dear Readers,
I feel as though once again I should start my post with an apology. It has been too long again, and I would love to say it is because I am so busy. It is true I am busy, but there are other adoptive parents who are way busier and keep their blog up on a more regular basis. I will say, that I have a no scream policy at home, which does not help. When Isaac came home we diched the TV, and the computer at home is for me to look up recipies or put music on for the family. I think it is my guilt of working so many hours. Regardless of all my exuses of why I have been a bad blogger I am here... for today.

Let me start first with a progress report. I need to brag on Isaac and the power of family. If you have followed this blog since his adoption you will know that he was a bit of a mess when he got to us. He was on intense psycotrophic drugs, very under weight, could barely hear, did not have many words he could speak, he could not walk on uneven surfaces, he would hit, throw things and arch his back when hugged. He would wake up with night terrors or refuse to go to sleep at all.

We have come a long way since them. Isaac now talks up a storm (it is stil hard to understand him at times), he gives great hugs and even spontaniously will tell me he loves me. He is now on the charts and even 25th % for height and weight. He gladly will set the entire table for a meal (granted he does this becaue he has learned it means we eat sooner and the boy loves to eat.) He goes to sleep well and knows what to expect with his night time routine. He will often come out of his room in the morning dressed apropriately for the day, and he is great about cleaning up his room without me asking. The biggest news we recived in regards to his progress is his intelectual development. Isaac was labeled as developmentaly delayed. In the adoption world we know this term well, but there is always some worry that comes with it. We know as adoptive parents that our kids will be delayed, and we hope that with life experiences with family love our child will catch up. There is always the worry that there is something else causing these delays and that your child just might not catch up to their peers. This is the information we got from the school at his IEP meeting. When we took Isaac for his developmental screaning in August he was testing at a 26 month old level for a 3.5 year old. The great news is that last month he tested at a 4 year old level for a 4 year old. The folks at the international clinic were amazed. They said they have never seen a kid come from so far behind, to on target so quickly.

The one area we are still really struggling with is emotional age. Isaac, with me, reverts back to baby land regularly. I mean crawling on the floor, grunting and pointing, drooling, baby behavior... I will be honest, this is madening to me. I totaly get why he is doing it, I logicaly know he needs a mother (me) to make up for years of neglect. The difficulty is that he wants it but has no idea how to appropritely get motherly attention. When we go to cuddle he often pulls away, then 2 seconds later demands that I hold him. When he does not get his way, he reacts like an 18 month old. He hits, screams, pouts. I keep reminding myself that this imaturity will not always be so obvious. Yes, it is drastic to have a 4 year old acting like a 2 year old. Now a 40 year old acting like a 38 year old is not that big of a deal.