Never Enough

I consider myself to be a very professional person.  I also consider myself to be an attentive passionate mother.  I still have a few hobbies that let me be creative and personal like gardening and cooking.  I assist in the running of our business, The Backyard Pantry.  I also don't like to do things half a$$.  Don't get me wrong.  It does not need to be perfect in every way, but I am not a slacker and I take each of these jobs very seriously (OK not so much the gardening part.) 

Well today was one of those days were being split too many ways just made me feel less than enough. 

Let me back up a bit so that when I slingshot you, dear reader, into my rant, it will make more sense.  Basicaly this time of year as a teacher makes me nervous and insecure for a variety of reasons.


 My son Isaac had surgery this morning.  I was planning on taking Emerson to school , so that John only had one child with him at the hospital.  I can't take Isaac because I have just now payed off all my borrowed sick leave from taking off to be with Isaac last year when he came home.  So, now I can't take Emerson to school or be with Isaac during his surgery.  Looser Mom of the Year. 

This morning probably would have been hilarious for someone to watch (other than for me.)  We loaded both boys in the car a 5:30 am  in their PJ's and 1/2 asleep.  I packed food for everyone to have at some point this morning.  Then John pulls out, my mom calls and I tell her that I have packed everyone food, then I see it on the counter.  I hang up, John reverses back home (it is now 5:50) and leaves again with the food.  I finish getting ready.  Now I have to somehow get the chicken out of the coop so that I can put the dog in the coop (the reason why is way too long of a story.)  This was the ridiculous part of the chicken not wanting to leave and the dog not wanting to go in.  Force was involved and neither animal was happy.  I am sure that they conspired for hours on how to switch positions. 

Then I am off to work.  I frantically set up for a lab today while also planning on having an important meeting.    We meet.  It is brief and overall it is good except I got neggative feedback for taking "too many days off"  3.5 sick to be exact and 1 personal.

Today this was especially madding to me.  Here I am, I have ticked off the dog and the chicken, sent my poor husband with both kids to Children's.  Neglected to take one son to school and therapy while neglecting to take the other son to his surgery.  Not to mention that I miss every morning with them so I can get to work at 6:00 to prep and grade and spend time with some of my students who need the extra help in the morning.  So to get dinged on this, just felt like a big old slap in the face.  I then mentioned that in the three years I have been here that I have only taken one personal day in three years and 3.5 sick days in three years.  All three days were for my sons never for deal old me.

  I didn't realize that my all would just not be enough for anyone. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better.