Greener Grass

I'll admit it... I get sucked into drama and despair very well.  I can be knocked off my foundation, and I find it difficult to come back to a good place.  When I am in a place of negativity, my instinct is retreats like behavior.  Some people binge, some go for retail therapy, some search for new jobs, or new partners.  Not me.  I find myself thinking all of my problems would go away if I was a homeschooling mom living in a yurt in Mongolia or Kazakhstan herding reindeer never to be bothered with civilization again.  Far fetched I know, but for those who know us in real life, you can probably picture us doing this. 

With that said, I recognize that I am playing the Grass is Greener game.  Not a good one to play, and it just isn't true (especially in the case of Mongolia.)  Regardless though I have found myself in the midst of a pity party.  It all started with the maddening conference I had last week.  Also we have had some issues with the boys going back to school after break.  Emerson is a mess on so many levels from his sensory issues.  The more I learn, the hungrier I am for more tools to help him, and the more aware I am of his needs.  While Isaac has come so far in so many areas he has had two recent situations where food has been involved with art projects at school, and then he ate them, because, well food is not a toy to him it is food.  I have also been the recipient of numerous nasty grams and it just wears on you.  I poor my heart and soul into my students, my kids, and my garden (at least that is all going well) so when I am getting negative feed back time and time again, I take it to heart. 

Sometime Wednesday afternoon I had a switch of heart.  I had one of those aha moments that allowed me to shift from poor me, to "be the change" mode.  One of the things that prepped me for the shift was a wonderful conversation with my sister.  She pointed out that praise comes from my kids and students in many different ways.  And, that actually, my parents of students really were giving me positive feedback when I read their reflections of their child's work.  My good friend and fellow teacher Ann Marie gave me the book What Teachers Make
 Written by this guy.  The real kicker though was looking at my leader, and seeing that she was in a similar place as I was.  I was looking to her to lift me up, but I realized that, that expectation is not always fair.  Those of us who have the strength to lift each other up, need to do it, despite our level of power or influence. 

So this morning I took the time to water the grass of pride and beauty, rather than the one of pity and sorrow.  Pointing out the bad, is like picking the low hanging fruit.  It is too easy and is a cop out.  When I took the time to share the beauty of what I get to see, it brightens that part of the world and the bad is diminishing, not just because I am ignoring it, but because I am leading people (hopeful) to a place where they can find the beauty in themselves.