I am not sure why I am in a funk today, but alas I am. Maybe it is because we did to much yesterday which let to numerous Isaac melt downs. Maybe it is because he started the morning off with meltdowns before Mama got her coffee thus my perky sense of behavior management had not kicked in. Maybe it is that jealousy has kicked in between the two boys. Emerson was sick on Thursday and Friday and needed me. Isaac was not so impressed with the idea of sharing me. I am also back to a pattern of having to search out "me" time. I know it is crucial to occasionally tell all three of my boys that I need time so that I can be a better mommy when all three of them need me at the same time.
I think too, I am just going through the natural "down" after the adoption "high." Reality is sinking in. Please know, we are happy beyond belief to be on this road. Just like a runner in a race, loves to run, but questions their sanity before they reach the top of a grueling hill. Yes, we asked for this but some days I am sad that it is so different than other people's experiences of adding a new child to their family.
Warning over emotional pity party coming:
For Example:
1. No one throws a party for a 3 year old coming home. I know people aren't out of respect for Isaac's need to have quiet time and not get overwhelmed. But it feels sad non the less that adoptive mom's don't get the joy of a baby shower. Instead I get to spend quality time collecting stool samples to see if he has parasites.
2. People don't come over and offer food or help. Again, I understand that this is because Isaac needs to see that we are the parents who take care of him. It does not help that he has a very sensitive stomach and we have to be very careful in what we feed him.
3. It is also hard because they both need us so much right now in different ways. This I know is true for ALL families. Unfortunately this also means that by the end of the day John and I are too tired to be there for each other. Unfortunately it will be a while before Isaac can stay with someone else.
I know tomorrow will be a different day. Things will get better and I will get better at this juggling act. Things I am learning:
1. No mater how much John and I want to go swimming, doing it at nap time is not a good idea.
2. I need to start getting up before the family. Because it is summer I have been letting the boys wake me up. Unfortunately this has me running before I have woken up and it makes for one cranky mama.
3. I need to ALWAYS have food for Isaac. He is always hungry and he has trust issues with food. If I don't feed him (the correct food) right away we all take a big step backwards.
4. I need to start making big batches of food for the family so that when school starts back I am not totally overwhelmed when I get home from a long day.
5. I must find time each day for myself, Even if it is early in the morning sitting quietly drinking my cup of coffee.
6. I must go to bed early so that I have the energy to face the challenges they are throwing at us with some grace and humor.
On a very different note, we have started the finalization process. Isaac will officially legally be ours for ever by October 22:)
Karon,
ReplyDeleteI just want to give you a big {{{hug}}}.
I'm sure you will have everything worked out over the next 2 or 3 months, but it's hard on you (and John) and the moment.
You being back at work will be good for Issac as he will spend more time with John, and hopefully they'll bond more.
It sounds like Issac and Emerson have bonded well, and the jealousy is perfectly normal I guess.
Love and Hugs
Julie xx
Sending a virtual Mommy massage (temples and/or back - your choice). I will have to admit that, while we ARE looking forward to bringing our daughter home, I am NOT looking forward to the "storming" part of the natural teaming process (even family teams go through the "forming, storming, norming, performing" phases). It probably took us 6 mos to normalize after Miras got home. Not to say that being with him wasn't a joy, but it was different and lots of things that we enjoyed were neglected to focus on this child and we both mourned the loss of "me" time (which was the basis for many fights too!). And now we have this lovely harmony going and it will soon be disrupted. So, thank you for being so honest about the ups and the downs of the process of adding to the family. Fortunately you will someday (probably soon) find your groove as a new family of four and there will be me time as well as many more ups than downs.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mother was one of the hardest jobs I ever had and I faced none of the obstacles you are facing. You are so clear headed in understanding and verbalizing the issues and in putting together a plan to help you get where all of you need to go - but putting that plan into action is another thing. I wish I was there to help. I'd whip you up some food and stay to do the dishes!
ReplyDeleteI know your good humor and spunk will see you through but no doubt about it, there will be some tough times ahead. Mommy has to be all things to both the little boys plus the man/boy.
Love you!!!! all new Mother's are worn out at first!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat type of food is ok? I was wondering if I can bring you guys a "meal for 4" from Zoes? or Taziki's? Let me know (I will send this via FB as well).
ReplyDeleteMan I know how I you feel. It is so hard sometimes not to throw continuous pity parties. People just don't understand adoption and it stinks to not have the same level of excitement that comes with the birth of a child. At the same time even the friends that are excited are so unsure of what exactly is needed that sometimes they can be scared by all the uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteEven with Asa's birth it was such a sad occasion. I was happy beyond belief that he was my son and finally born but meeting his birth mom and seeing the torture in her eyes, was so overwhelmingly sad. It is so unfair to our kids that there entrance into this world and their family cannot be full of only joy.