Living in a world where most rules, regulations and policies are set up by men is an interesting one to say the least. Then you add to that the fact that 98% of families in the US are formed with biological children who obviously start off as newborns. Fortunately some where along the line someone stood up for the rights of adoptive families and recognized that while adoptive mothers do not have the physical "trama" or birthing a child, we inherit a tremendous amount of emotional trauma that comes from our child's past. Not to mention that we have essentially brought a stranger into our home on a leap of faith that we will all co-exist harmoniously and perhaps live happily ever after.
As all people who live with others know, becoming a family does take time and work. So, while I went back to school last week to get my kids started, I am now off for the next 6 weeks to help discover and establish the new normal. It has been interesting to explain this to people. I would say about 80% of the people get it. The other 20% unfortunately say the darnedest things that make me want to say, "hey you come hang out at my house and say that I am ready to jump into working 60 hours a week!!!" The first parent I told at my meet and greet the other night said "I have a nephew that was adopted 30 years ago, right after my sister adopted him she relaxed and was able to have a child of her own." My hackles immediately raised as my children are my own and how dare you make the assumption that my inability to relax is why I have two adopted children. Hello, I literally had just met the guy!
Then there is my mom. Everyday things go well, she says that I should just go back to work as soon as possible. Last week was insanely hard for me. I love my job and I poor every ounce of my sole into the work I do. Teaching is not a job for those who like to do things half a$$. Guess what neither is parenting. Until I get Isaac in a routine, some speech therapy and some emotional therapy, we have a very hard job to do right now. This little boy has been neglected for 3.5 years. I think he deserves at least 6 weeks of undivided attention.
So what do I hope to accomplish while I am off:
1. We need to get started with a family therapist. Isaac is off of all meds. He is doing well given all he has gone through but does not have health strategies to process his grief and anger.
2. He needs to get into the early intervention pre-school. He is developmentally like a young 2 year old right now. He also needs language skills either through signing or verbally to reduce his frustration over the little things.
3. We need to get to know each other and learn to have a sense of humor about the little things, and lay down the law on some of the major things.
4. On Aug 26th we will go to the cleft pallet clinic to see what needs to be done as far as future surgeries and the tubes in his ears.
5. We need to follow through with the international adoption clinic and therapist there as well as complete their developmental screening.
6. I need to get into a health routine of how to balance time for the, kids, time for John, time for me and time for work.
7. Oh and we need to close on our house next week, then pain and then move.
You are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say that teaching and parenting aren't jobs for those who like to do things half ass--most certainly because they involve children! But they're worth every single moment of them, both the ups and the downs. You're wise to take the time off, especially this early in the game. Hang in there and love your time home. Heaven knows, teachers earn it!
ReplyDeleteI get annoyed with people who say, "Oh, you're a teacher. You work for only nine months and get three off." First of all, we probably work the equivalent of twelve months during the nine months we're there, and second of all, many of us spend at least part of our summer getting ready to go back! But along with parenting, I wouldn't trade these two privileges for anything in the world.
One day you'll look back and say, "Wow, it was worth it all!" All my love and prayer support.
People are dumba$$es. The things that come out of some people's mouths are just too much.
ReplyDeleteYou have a plate full right now. I hope you are able to accomplish all the goals in the limited time you have for leave. I hope you don't mind but I spoke to our therapist asking if she knew of anyone good in the Birmingham area. I will let you know what she finds.
Enjoy your time at home. :)
Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy every moment of your time together. In our case with a biological child, we took lots of natural childbirth advice and literally stayed at home with our baby - bonding, nursing, getting to know each other, rarely going out, etc. The people who didn't totally get it thought we were crazy, as if it is a badge of honor to "get back to normal" (whatever that means) two seconds after bringing a new life into the world. It was a precious, irreplaceable time that we wouldn't trade for anything. May this be a rich time of getting to know each other, building trust, learning new skills and healthy coping mechanisms, making leaps and bounds in terms of communication (verbal and non-verbal), and simply growing love. We support you 100%.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a fabulous time while on leave. People can be so moronic.
ReplyDeleteI definitely see the need for the bonding time and being able to give full attention. 6 weeks will fly by. I know the new house will be good in the long run, but again, yet another change for Issac. I hope for a smooth and easy transition and look forward to helping some to make that happen. Hang in there good friend - your friends and family are there to help love and support all 4 of you.
ReplyDeletePeople are stupid.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you are able to spend a lot of quality time with your kids and that you witness a tremendous transformation over the next six weeks. Let us know if you need any help painting or moving (or with anything else).
Good for you taking the time you need. Unfortunately we need to brush off the comments of people who have no clue. In fact, I wish I had taken more time off when Miras came home even though the transition was pretty easy. When do you ever have that opportunity again? This time I am taking my full FMLA (though 3 mos completely without pay as my company is living in the stone ages still regarding adoption policy) as I anticipate a tougher transition (older child who is more delayed, sibling adjustment, possible cognitive issues, etc.). Most people brushed it off "Oh, it will all work out." Well, yes, but with dedicated hard work! Just keep in mind that Momma knows best regardless of what anyone else tells you!
ReplyDelete