Mama Bear and the Culture Woes

For years people have been asking John how he is adapting to life in the South.  People ask, because, well we really don't fit the mold of the "typical" southerner.  He responds typically with "I treat life here like living in a foreign country."  The food, religion, politics, past times, language, driving habits are all very different than what we are used to.  But, we are also well traveled, and when we lived in Central America, we didn't complain about worms in the grapefruits, or washed out roads.  This was real life for the folks living there, from there.  When we lived in Kazakhstan, we knew that we did not have free speech, or privacy.  We were guest in another country and we learned and observed while we were there. 

But, (and this is a big one) after five years I am growing weary of being the silent (OK not very silent) by stander in a culture so juxtaposed to my own self.   I still feel like a guest in a foreign land because I don't fit the main stream.  If it was just me as an adult, I don't think I would be as upset as I am right now.  Unfortunately, the culture is encroaching into dangerous territory with my children, and my Mama Bear hackles are up. 

For the most part I find that we drift for the mainstream on five major fronts:

1. Religion:  We have a different set of beliefs and as a result we are forced to sit silently and be proselytized to on a regular basis. 
2. Politics:  We can't even have a discussion here about it. 
3. Environment:  We are environmentalist and outdoor enthusiast.  We find such solace in the natural unaltered systems of our world and recognize that we must be stewards of the land.  This includes avoiding dirty money from guilty corporations. 
4. Sports:  Even my father will be disappointed with me for this one:  I could care less about football or any other sport for that matter.  This is almost worse than not fitting in with #1 and #2.  Last year the boys were told they had to wear a shirt supporting their favorite football team or they could not attend a school wide assembly.  When I communicated to the teacher we didn't own any, I felt like an alien in a strange land.  Outside again.
5. Food:  And this is where I am lost.  John and I eat real food.  You know, the stuff that grows from the ground, and comes from animals that have been raised humanely with a small ecological foot print.  If we can't grow (or picture it growing) we don't eat it.  If we can't pronounce it we don't eat it.  Here the culture of food, and quite frankly toxic food like substances is maddening.  People here it junk and a lot of it.  They do not use it just for nourishment and growth, but for rewards, punishment, to show love, to make someone feel welcomed, for comfort, and as a toy (more on this soon.) 

For me this is where I am currently struggling to just say "hey, we will treat our time here as if we are in a foreign country and go with the flow."  Mainly because this is an issue that drastically effects the health and well being of our boys, and now that they are in Kindergarten, some big issues are coming up for me. 

An important bit of background to my upcoming rant:  Isaac is 5 1/2 and has PTSD.  He has three triggers that we know of:  Food being used in a way other than substance, being left in wet clothes and physical restraint.  I have no idea how to explain PTSD to the average person in a way that they can "get" how terrifying it is for both Isaac and those around once he is triggered.  When he goes into a rage or flashback, I almost have to treat it like a child with a seizure and the scaring and physical angst it causes him is similar to the trauma of anafalaxis shock.  IT IS NOT JUST A TEMPER TANTRUM.  It is not that he is sad.  And, the more times he is triggered the worse the episodes seem to be.  As a result we are being very proactive to prevent triggers, especially in his new school environment. 

I have explained all of this in writing, in person, through meetings, through special education teachers.  Then last week I get an e-mail.  "We are planning on doing a two week math unit at the beginning of the year using cookies, oreos, Hershey kisses and skittles.  Is this OK for your boys?"  Um NO.  I then reiterate that food is not a toy to Isaac and very little learning will take place for him if food is the manipulative.  I also mentioned that if Isaac's PTSD is triggered he can become extremely violent or extremely dissociative.  Then I get asked if I can send something homemade that is like oreos for the whole class.  Yes, I can do that, but I am not feeling heard on the main issue. 

I am starting to feel like I did when I took the boys to get their blue cards for school.  I knew that restrain or witnessing restraint would be a trigger for Isaac.  I explained it to the doctor.  I was mocked.  I removed Isaac from the room, he was brought back in.  I asked for help from a nurse, I was told no.  And then, I did a very bad thing for my son, nothing.  I let him be in the room and he had the worst PTSD episode to date.  I know that the teacher using food as a toy will build distrust, increase anxiety and potentially lead to a very bad situation, and I am not being heard. 

I went a step further and e-mailed Isaac's special ed teacher.  I was then told that "the problem is this, teacher use small edibles for counting and comparing."  Here we go again.  What about beads, unifix cubes, checkers pieces, cards.... Why does it have to be food? 

I am upset now, and I need to figure out what my end goal is.  One, I want my child to have a health relationship with food.  Two, I want to avoid at all cost a major incident at school while he is getting adjusted to his new setting.  If trust is lost, it will be hard to get back.  Three, I want to be heard and understood as a parent.  I feel that if he was deathly allergic to nuts, there would be no discussion.  They would not be there.  But, because it is a psychological issue I am being ignored as the over reactive helicopter parent.  I really am not.  How many times has someone come to them with such an issue?  Wouldn't you think after coming back and saying something 5 times I might know what I am talking about. 

Oh the struggle against a toxic cultural norm in a place where starvation is overshaddowed by issues with obesity.