The other day the boys and I were cuddling on the couch getting ready for story time. Emerson has his favorite blankie in town and Isaac has his puppy (really now it is a litter of stuffed puppies) and I am in the middle. The boys were talking about their special comfort items, so I shared with them that when I was a little girl, I had both a stuffed puppy and a blankie that I loved. Emerson then shouts out, "Mom, I made a connection! Our family matches, because you had both a puppy and a blankie and now you adopted the two of us, and we each have one of those things. We really were meant to be together." He them goes on to explain that his favorite color is blue and Isaac's is read and mine is purple.
For those who are not adoptive parents, this random connection thing might seem a little silly. But for us, our kids don't have our hair, or our eyes, or our walk, this comes from the unknown for all of us. Our connections come in some very little and silly ways, but also ones that are powerful in helping our boys know that while their road to us was a bit rough, it was still the best road for them to be on given their other options.
So this was a special little time in our weekend, just cuddling, being together, playing, experimenting and enjoying the simplicity of the moment. The other part of our weekend was going to the park. We chose, on Sunday, to meet up with my brother-in-law and the boys' cousin Leo. This was a nearby playground filled with lovely suburban families. It was great at first, because there was no one there. Then there was just us and family. Then came the "cool kids" with skate boards and attitudes. Granted Emerson is enamored with skate boards and has a tendency to gravitate towards them. He does this all the time at railroad park downtown and we have yet to have a problem. But alas, these kids (all of 7 years old) don't want anything to do with Emerson. They want him to go away, they run away, they call him names and tease him, he cries and cries, the name calling is worse. Now I can see if from both sides. They are older, they came together and they want to play together. I can also see that Emerson, will not let it go, he will not back off when they ask him to go away. Something in his wiring does not pick up that he should find someone more appropriate to play with. Then there is the other side, that when you go to a playground you are there to play. If you don't want to make new friends invite someone over to your house.
Emerson was so hurt by the whole thing he just came home and went strait to bed for nap time before having lunch. My little boy was so wounded by this interaction. It happens way too often, the birthday party, the playground, school. What I am learning about him, is that he is a sensory seeker, who is always on overload. It is almost as if he is trying so hard to stay focused on one thing, that he becomes obsessive to the point of obnoxious. It is his struggle, it is our struggle and there is lots to learn in the mean time.
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