unbalanced enough

Sorry for the absence of writing these past few weeks.  I have been in a funk and did not feel the need to spread the confused outlook I was having on life.  I will say we had a wonderful Thanksgiving and my time with the boys and family was filled with precious moments and quality experiences.  I felt alive, meaningful and purposeful. 

But, for many reasons, I have not felt those things this past week.  I have been struggling with the monotony and mundane of life. 
Then, this morning I read the following poem for the first time: 

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

It seems clear to me know that my "enoughs" are out of whack.  I feel like I don't have enough money to make ends meat, enough time with my boys, enough food growing to share a meal.  I feel like I have been eating too much junk, having too much coffee, sleeping too much to wish the darkness away.  Not enough outside time, not enough time with friends, or books, or in meaningful conversation. 

I know that in the grand scheme of things that balance does not come on a day to day basis, and the big lesson for me right now is that I am having just "enough" imbalance to nudge me in the right direction. 

For me, this is the time of year where I start to feel drained from being in constant output mode.  I share everyday what I know and teach others, I take care of my wonderful boys, I look after my gardens but harvest little during these months.  As a result I feel drained and empty and I need to find someway to get input, learn something new, read something engaging and find the time to do what is most important.  Be whole and present for those around me. 

What a difference a decade makes

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned my first date with John on my blog.  Surprisingly, it was not exactly a conventional courtship.  John and I met while working at Hancock Field Station in the desert of Oregon.  After knowing each other a few months as fellow field instructors who led kids off into the desert for 2-5 mile hikes daily, we were able to go on a river trip to scout the John Day before taking kids on the river.  With all that said, John was off limits.  He was dating someone else.  How did I know this given that I rarely saw him? 

Did I mention that we lived in a very remote place?  So remote that cell phones did not work and we just had very slow dial up Internet that we could rarely access due to being out in the filed most of the time.  John being a diligent problem solver and handy, decided to install his own phone line in his cabin.  He had to literally dig a trench over 1/2 mile from the nearest place to split the line.  He worked on this project for over a month.  Finally he had finished it so he could talk to the girl in Idaho he was dating. 

Fast forward to the very next day.  I found John sitting in the homemade wood burning hot tub that we (the instructors) had built.  He was never in there because he was always working on his phone line.

When I asked him how the phone was working, he replied that women were evil, and that she had broken up with him then hung up on him on his first official phone call on his newly installed phone.  This made the space free.  I had just left a four year relationship and I was in no mood to be in another one any time soon. 

When John mentioned a few days later that he was going to Seattle for a few days, I invited myself along, desperately needing a change of scenery.  On the way north, we noticed how windy it was, and John being the adventuresome type, just happened to have a 6ft. wingspan stunt flying kite with him.  So, we pulled over at the Cottonwood Bridge to fly this kite.  The kite was impressive, and the wind was intense.  It literally picked John up and carried him in three steps across a parking area the size of a football field. 

When he got to the edge of the lot, he launched head first into the sage brush and had sticks and twigs protruding everywhere.  It was funny on so many levels.  But life was about to become interactive.  He decided at this point to tie himself to the car, you know, to prevent being launched into sharp sticks again.  Now he needed my help to launch this kite.  Willingly I hiked out in the field, found the kite tangled up and set it free.  I held it high above my head, waited for his tug, the tossed it strait into the air.  At this point I made the novice mistake of stunt kite flying; I looked up to see it fly.  Unfortunately I got a very close look, because the kite took a nose dive and slammed into my face, causing me to began to spurt blood out the side of my head.  (Romance at its best)

So, I loving refer to our fist date as "the time John tried to kill me with his kite."  A lot has happened in last 10 + years of us being together.  We have run rivers, climbed glaciers, I let him live through a few remodeling projects, we adopted not once, but twice, we lived 1/2 way around the world, we have moved, and moved again. 

This past weekend, we decided to have some family time at Dauphin Island.  It was a great time, for time to go slow enough for me to get a moment to be reflective and also in awe of how far we have come as a family and as people over the last 10 years.  There is one exception though. 

The kite is still alive and well and she was flown this weekend, and John risked life and limb to save her again. 

Imagine if you will 50 mph winds on a large sandy beach with intermittent grassy sand dunes, tide pools and the occasionally washed up debris.  John was letting Isaac hold the kite handles and all of the sudden, Isaac decided he didn't want to hold them any more.  John was holding on to Isaac so he wouldn't fly away, but instead of Isaac saying "Dad, can you take over?"  he just let go.  John's first reaction was "seriously Isaac" but then love of the kite kicked in and he was off, sprinting like a mad man after his kite.  Unfortunately he also had a sling backpack on at the time that was clipped to his belt loop.  As he was running and falling behind the race with the kite, he tried to ditch the backpack to gain speed.  He had forgotten that he had clipped it to his pants.  "No problem" I imagine him thinking, I will just ditch the pants and keep on running.  So here is my husband 10 years later, running through sharp sand grass, through freezing cold tide pools, in his underwear all to save his kite. 

Isaac and Emerson watched the scene in awe with me.  At one point Isaac looked at me and asked "am I in trouble?"  I replied "that depends on whether he catches it or not."  None the less, when his pants/ backpack came off we all laughed.  When he dove into the waves belly flopping and came out victorious we all cheered for all sorts of personal reasons.  Me, because John will go to all limits and effort to save something he loves, Emerson because he now has a good reason to wear underwear, Isaac because he was not going to get in trouble, and John because he has still got what it takes to risk life and limb for his family and his kite. 

Two weeks worth of lessons

So some of you have expressed interest in how our weeks work with John teaching.  Here are two weeks worth of plans.  Granted, this is just an outline, but it gives you the gist of what we are doing with them.  This does not include all of the imaginative play and creative things they come up with during the day.  This is just how we are intentional about concepts. 

Date: Nov. 5-9 Theme: Dauphin Island


Letter: Y Number: Upper teens

Site Words: We, Like, To, Go, Went

Vocabulary: island, fort

Animal of the week: Dauphin

Field Trip: Dauphin Island Sea Lab

Objectives:

1. Preparing for Dauphin Island (packing and learning)

2. Know what an island is and mark the spot on a map

3. Know the sounds the letter Y makes and how to draw it.

4. Continue to work on teens in math





MONDAY Specific instructions Special information

Morning Activity Journals

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Itsy bits Y book and play dough or side walk chalk letter.

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Sits ups, jumping jacks and stretching for warm up.

Card Game with sit ups and jumping jacks See direction sheet. Take out face cards from the deck

Math Number of the day WS, Group things by that number. Take one away, add another one.

17 Have the kids use the domino's to see how many ways they can make 17

Science What is an island? Define, write and color major islands on the world map
Reading Use new sight word flash cards then do the letter cut and paste for the new words.


TUESDAY  Election Day
Morning Activity Journal

 Vocabulary Election, President, Ballot, Leader

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Make election campaign poster

SS Have kids watch the election video and list what makes a good leader. Make their own campaign poster to take with them to the polling place. Have the boys interview people about what leadership is while waiting in line. Tally up the comments and have the kids create a pictograph of leadership traits.

Bowling after voting

Math Bowling/ subtraction
Reading Rainbow write site words and color code the sentences then read aloud.

WEDNESDAY All about Islands 

Morning Activity Journal and discuss election results

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Letter Y Handwriting sheet 1 and 2

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Math Teens ball toss with buckets in the yard

Math Number 18 Have kids use the dominoes to see how many different ways they can make the number 18

Science What do we want and see on vacation? What tools do we need to pack:

Sand toys, screens, kites, binoculars, bird books ect. Have them pack a small rubber made tub with their science instruments for exploring the island.

SS Label dauphin island and Birmingham on the map of AL

Reading Write sentences using site words

THURSDAY
Morning Activity Journals

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Give the boys a newspaper or magazine and have them highlight the letter Y when they see it.

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Karate Test tonight. They need a good nap.

Math Number 19

Other The big goal of the day is to get groceries and cook for the weekend:

Make bread

Cookies

Hot coco mix

What to pack for food

Go to grocery store after making list.

FRIDAY Preparing for field Trip
Mom takes Emerson to eye doctor

John and Isaac pack the car

Next week

Date: Nov 12-16 Theme: Veterans, Thankful For


Letter: M Number: 20,30,40,50

Site Words: on, am, in, you, are

Vocabulary: Thanks, Veteran,

Field Trip: Dauphin island

Objectives:
Learn why we celebrate veteran’s day

Who are veterans

What are we thankful for

Learning about the history and traditions of Thanksgiving

Recognize, sound out and write the letter “M”

Be able to write 20,30,40 and 50 and say them correctly.

Determine less than more than for 20,30,40,50
MONDAY
Morning Activity
Veterans Day

TUESDAY
Morning Activity Journals

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Making their itsy bitsy M book.
Paint M, side walk chalk and play dough M’s Watch Emerson as he works and make sure he is doing it neat and that both boys are reading it back to you.

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Bowling and Math

Math 20. Have them measure and mark 20 somewhere. Can they get their car into the range of the 20’s

Science What did we learn at Dauphin island

SS Veterans day definition. Make something for Tom and mail it to him.

Reading Play matching and games with new word cards.

Cut and paste letters to make new words




WEDNESDAY
Morning Activity Journals and q tip art Have them do a dotted pattern on paper with q tips. Then they use a paint brush to blend the colors

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Worksheet 1 and 2 for the letter M

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Nature Hike

Math 30 Have them measure out the 30’s Have them try to get a hot wheel or other item in this range. Have them then do less than 30 or more than.

SS Thanksgiving tree.

All they need to do today is make their “I’m thankful for..” list I will make leaves and the boys need to make one a day for something they are thankful for.
Reading Rainbow writing words
THURSDAY 

Morning Activity Journals

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art M hidden picture coloring and Poem about M

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Karate

Math 40 Same as 30’s but with 40’s

SS Make a list of people they want to make Thanksgiving cards for

 Reading Color coding sentences


FRIDAY
Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Finding M’s around the house, and in the news.

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Slack Line Walking See directions printed. Have the boys set up a very short one for this week. Once they master one length we will go for something longer.

Math 50 Same as 30’s but with 50’s

SS History of Thanksgiving We need to get books and movies from the library for this lesson 

Reading Writing sentences using site words

Finding the long lost Optimisum

Sorry for the two week absence for those who are still follow along.  A lot has gone on these two weeks, and I am working on developing a filter, other than just writing things on the blog (as not everyone who reads, is here for the right reasons).  For the most part, these past two weeks have left me in a dark, questioning, distrustful place.  This is not a state of mind I deal well with.  I am not, for the most part, a dweller, but the events that have upset me have shaken me once again at my core. 

But, things in life got complicated, and were not the type of issues I could, with good conscious, just bury my head in the sand.  One thing led to another, and choices had to be made, but they were not popular or easy choices.  To some they were "wrong," to others the could have been necessary, and to me, it was the best I could do given the circumstances. 

Ultimately, it left my soul hurting on so many levels.  Once again, I was being backed into a corner of forced indifference.  Regardless, I did not retreat or relent, but was encouraged to so by the powers that be.  It hurt my soul, and it has been hard to bounce back  despite by best intentions of moving on with my life and going about my business. 

On Friday, I was still wound up and I knew I needed to calm my mind.  I tried to pick just one word to focus on to quiet my internal monologue on justice.  I tried, "trust" but the world does not deserve such a word right now.  I tried "calm" but I am frustrated that there is too much calm sometimes about things that don't deserve "calm."  Finally I just asked for "hope" to present itself to me along with "companionship" and finally sleep came. 

Saturday of this week was a busy one for our family.  My husband and I own a business "The Backyard Pantry" where we build and install ready to plant raised garden beds.  This weekend, we decided to work a huge festival as part of the Eco-ideas section.  We were swamped the entire day and John has gone back to work a second day. 

I bring this up, because it was invigorating to be affirmed by so many that we are doing something good for the world.  We had people thanking us for creating such a business.  This affirmation is something I have sorely been missing these last few weeks.  Rational or not, I function better, when what I am doing is recognized with insightful deep conversation and acknowledgement of the specifics. 

Then as vendors we went to the VIP party and this is where my prayers were answered and I began to be hauled out of a hole of dispare. I met other decenters, fighters, caring people who were not worried about their popularity but about standing up for what is right.  (I am also not so naive to think that "right" is the same for everyone.)  What was lovely though, was being introduced to new friends from old friends, who could have discourse.  We were not the outcast, or the weird ones, but part of a group who really does have hope for making the world around them better, safer, cleaner. 

So this Sunday, I have found my optimism again.  My goal is to have it last throughout the week, or at least to remember this feeling when I feel like I am slipping back into a place of pessimism about the world around me. 

What have I done with this day?  Well, I have roasted pumpkins, make soup stock, cooked spinach pie (made with our kale) preserved part of the 10 gallons of pecans John and the boys picked the other day, made two loaves of apple bread, prepared the home school notebook for John for the week, and spent wonderful time with my growing little boys.  Tomorrow I shift into looking after the minds of my 100+ students and I hope I sever them well, with honor, with passion and compassion. 

What a week looks like

Many people have asked us how John is dealing with being the teacher at Daddy School.  I will say first off, he is a really great teacher for the boys and loves being there for him.  John also teaches a bit like he cooks.  He is very good about following a recipe, but not so good at looking in the refrigerator or garden and just coming up with something to make. 

I am better with the figuring things out from scratch and research, so I write the plans for each week.  I am not sure if this post will be helpful to anyone out there, but here it is, what our weekly plan looks like. 

Date: October 22-27 Theme: Look at me grow

Letter: W and X Number: 50’s
Site Words: The, is, it, can
Vocabulary: Word Want, Weather, Water, Harvest
Instrument of the week: Woodwinds,
Field Trip: Pumpkin Patch with Everest Academy. (See sheet)

Objectives:
Learn how to measure in inches
Record facts about how big they are and what they know
Create a “just my size book.”
Learn the value of things in the 50’s
Know the sounds for the letters of the week
Be able to identify and read sight words in text

MONDAY
Morning Activity Writing in journals. Listening to woodwinds, weather and the daily plan

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art The boys will be creating their all about me books. I will make these and they will need to trace the titles, do the art work, and help measure each other. You will need to lead them through each of the activities.

If you have extra time work on the bat houses. I have made the books and they just need to trace the letters, then write it in their best handwriting below when there is space. Do take their picture on this day and have them print it and put in on the back of their book.

TUESDAY
Morning Activity Writing in journals. Listening to woodwinds, weather and the daily plan

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Side walk chalk showing them how to form a W and an X. Be sure to show them when to lift the chalk. They then need to come in and make play dough letters

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Bowling Print and use bowling math worksheet

Math Going over the 50’s do flashcards, put them in order, do the math number of the day worksheet with “50”.

Science All about tigers Make a Tigers "Can, Have, Are" chart Get a book from the library about tigers

SS Wants Vs. Needs. Go over each day when they ask for something and have them place that item on the want’s vs. need chart and state why.

Reading Introduce new sight word flash cards. Have the kids color the words on the top and then the words in the boxes below



WENDESDAY
Morning Activity Writing in journals. Listening to woodwinds, weather and the daily plan

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Handwriting worksheets #1 Pumpkin coloring and dot to dot

PE/ Gross Motor Skill 50’s bucket toss and measuring 50 feet and counting to 50 out loud. 50 sit ups, 50 jumping jacks.

Math How many different ways can you make 50? Possibly do this with pennies or rocks.

Science Life cycle of a pumpkin. Have them cut out all of the stages and paste them in order after you discuss it. See worksheet

SS Wants Vs. Needs. Go over each day when they ask for something and have them place that item on the want’s vs. need chart and state why.

Reading Rainbow right sight words, Cut and paste letters to make sight words

THURSDAY

Morning Activity Writing in journals. Listening to woodwinds, weather and the daily plan

Handwriting/ Fine motor skills/Art Handwriting Worksheets #2

PE/ Gross Motor Skill Karate class

Math :  Baseball math

Science What is a mammal? Can, Have, Are chart. We will use this chart in the sun room them place all of the animal charts below it that are for mammals. We will eventually make ones for other groups as well.

SS Wants Vs. Needs. Go over each day when they ask for something and have them place that item on the want’s vs. need chart and state why.

Reading Use sight words in a sentence Story time at the library

FRIDAY


The Great Pumpkin Patch

Come visit

The Great Pumpkin Patch!


We will enjoy a hayride to the pumpkin patch, where you can choose a pumpkin if you wish, then we will ride back to the pavillion where we will eat lunch & hang out. All ages & all homeschoolers welcome!


Date: Friday, October 26

Time: 12:00 - 3:00pm

Location: The Great Pumpkin Patch

Details: After the hayride, each family can choose the other activities "a la carte" from pony rides, to train rides, to petting zoo, to inflatables, or you can just enjoy visiting with other homeschool families. There is food available on-site; hot dogs, burgers, fries, pies, funnel cakes & drinks, or you can bring a sack lunch or snacks.

Oh the things they say...

I often joke that while Isaac did not say more than three different words until after being 3.5 years old, he is currently making up for lost time.  The boy can rattle on and on and on and on... Well, you get the picture.  I am sure there is a part of him that is just so excited to be able to physically speak.  Then there is the other added benefit of having a family and friends that will listen to you.  A lot of the time, he is just making noises has he is playing.  It is cute for the first 6 hours, but looses its charm after a while. 

What is fun though is learning his emerging sense of humor.  Isaac, is by far my more literal and serious child.  Before I tell you about his funny sayings and humor I need to back up a bit. 

Isaac has some serious issues in the way he processes information communicated out loud.  I have no doubt that it is auditory processing disorder, but alas he cannot technically be diagnosed as such until he is older.  Anyway, the point is, that when you ask Isaac questions, the person asking has to really think about how they worded it, because it will drastically effect the answer.  For example:  "Isaac, do you want to have an elephant to come over for dinner?"  Vs.  "Isaac, who would you like to have over for dinner?" 

This is proving to be a character building challenge for John as Isaac's teacher.  The other day John spent the whole day teaching the boys about the month of October.  They sang songs, did dances, wrote the word, went on an October scavenger hunt, found it on the calender, and on and on. 

So, at the end of the day John asked Isaac, "What month is it?"  Isaac responded proudly and confidently, "5."  I am sure you can picture John's reaction, frustration, and feeling of failure. 

The next day Isaac is sitting at the kitchen table eating his snack.  He shouts to me in the other room, "Mom, don't lift up the cup.  There is a spider in there and I will deal with it when I finish my snack."  I then watch Isaac finish his snack, get a file folder, slide it under the cup with the spider (something he watches John do all the time), then carry it outside.  I'd say this is a better thing to know at 5 than what month it is. 

Fast forward to yesterday.  Isaac got a nasty cut on his hand and John and I are having to clean it daily.  John did it the first day while I was at school.  The next day, before I started, I asked Isaac how Daddy cleaned it, and if he did a good job.  Isaac then proceeded to go into an extensive detailed narrative about each and every thing John did.  The best part was when he said, "after he soaked it, the cup had blood in it.  Then Daddy pored it down the toilet.  I think the toilet was hungry or that vampires live down there and they wanted to drink my blood." 

So, no, Isaac can't really answer direct questions, but his is listening, and paying attention.  Every day my little men teach me how to look at the world in a new and interesting way. 

What does 6 Look Like?

Every year John and I say it is our favorite age of the boys.  We have loved having two five year olds and all of the amazing things they can do as five year olds.  To be honest, I have been a bit sad about the upcoming number six.  Not because of any premonition I have about the age, but because it is happening.  They are growing up fast, just like people said they would. 

We were fortunate enough to get to go camping at our friends place, with a couple of other families, for Emerson's 6th birthday.  It was wonderful to say the least.  Lots of open space, freedom to climb trees, kayaks to play in, bow and arrows to shoot, campfires to be lit, and of course an abundance of love for the kids and grown ups. 

One of the comments we get most frequently about Emerson is "boy, that kid has a lot of energy!"  Some mean it lovingly and with a bit of envy in their voice.  Some are overwhelmed by his intensity or quite honestly put off by it.  There is a part of me that wants to teach the world about sensory processing issues, and the effects of early childhood neglect on hyper vigilant behavior in surviving kids.  I do often find myself explaining that he as a 1.7 lb baby and his intensity and tenacity are inborn traits in him that make up the very reason he is here.  The question that usually comes up then is "will he grow out of 'this.'"  The answer is, I don't know. 

What I do know is that Emerson has a drive like no person I have ever met before.  He does everything with passion and intensity.  For now, this is who he is, and I am so thankful that we get to be his parents and help him choose good paths to exert his energy. 

The other huge thing is that this is the first year I have managed to make it through reading On the Day You Were Born with him and not bawl my eyes out.  John and I truly did do a dance and breathed a sigh of relief when we signed up to adopt on the day he was born.  We didn't know why for 6.5 more months, but we knew then, that we were so happy he had made it to this world.