Sorry for the absence of writing these past few weeks. I have been in a funk and did not feel the need to spread the confused outlook I was having on life. I will say we had a wonderful Thanksgiving and my time with the boys and family was filled with precious moments and quality experiences. I felt alive, meaningful and purposeful.
But, for many reasons, I have not felt those things this past week. I have been struggling with the monotony and mundane of life.
Then, this morning I read the following poem for the first time:
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."
It seems clear to me know that my "enoughs" are out of whack. I feel like I don't have enough money to make ends meat, enough time with my boys, enough food growing to share a meal. I feel like I have been eating too much junk, having too much coffee, sleeping too much to wish the darkness away. Not enough outside time, not enough time with friends, or books, or in meaningful conversation.
I know that in the grand scheme of things that balance does not come on a day to day basis, and the big lesson for me right now is that I am having just "enough" imbalance to nudge me in the right direction.
For me, this is the time of year where I start to feel drained from being in constant output mode. I share everyday what I know and teach others, I take care of my wonderful boys, I look after my gardens but harvest little during these months. As a result I feel drained and empty and I need to find someway to get input, learn something new, read something engaging and find the time to do what is most important. Be whole and present for those around me.
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